Friday, January 20, 2006

Inadequacy

A coupla posts back, I freely accepted being tagged by the lovely and gracious Poppy, on some matters related being ::cough, cough:: a screenwriter. My fave section of that meme was:

"Name two favorite lines from movies.
1. "Teaching the lepers how to sing." Stolen (in adapted form) from Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, and used whenever someone engages in an activity of purported charity which accomplishes nothing, but makes the person performing such an act feel as if s/he had actually achieved something.
2. "So that's it, then. We're going to die." Stolen from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and used whenever TFBIM is scared of something that I'm doing that in reality merits barely a raised eyebrow."

But, to a "filmie" like me, a mere two lines is woefully inadequate. I've stolen hundreds if not thousands of lines, and I spout them off at, ideally, inconvenient times and in as impertinent a manner as I can manage.

Here are some other ones, with credit where credit is due and suggestions on usage:

"Fire at will, Commander." Stolen from The Empire Strikes Back and used to indicate "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want."
"Light is green, trap is clean" from Ghostbusters, meaning the traffic light has changed and you may now use the gas pedal.
"It's the long pedal on the right. Live a little." Pilfered from Dragnet, same as above, but with more emphasis.
"God help me, I do love it so." That one is from Patton and it means that although I recognize the subject under discussion may not be to anyone's taste, I happen to love it. I usually mention it to my long suffering wife in conjunction to uncommon cuisines such as Korean or WASP.
"So this is Hell." Shamelessly lifted from Volunteers (a movie with as many quotable lines* as any ever committed to film), from the scene when Lawrence Bourne the Third discoveres that in his haste to escape the mafia, he has boarded an airplane filled with Peace Corps types singing "Michael Row The Boat Ashore" and "Puff The Magic Dragon." I use it whenever I am unexpectedly dismayed by a new development.
"There is no Dana...only ZUL!" also from Ghostbusters, and uttered when someone is having a Very Bad Hormone Day.
"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?" from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Made in response to an unbelievable assertion. (But you hafta do the accent.)
"If you buy this hat they give you a free bowl of soup...but it looks good on you." Swiped from Caddyshack and used when someone is contemplating a hideous garment.
"Remain calm. All is well." Which I take from Animal House and use to suggest that panic is not inappropriate.
"Blessed are the cheesemakers." Taken from from Monty Python's Life of Brian, and used to suggest someone has really gotten the wrong idea about something.
"These people built the Pyramids." From Mr. Saturday Night and used to denote the average age of the attendees at a given event is "deceased." If the crowd is very WASPy, the term "decreppies" is involved.
"Let me have a large glass of warm gin served with a human hair in it." This one is from Rustler's Rhapsody and it is intended to convey my toughness.
"I believe on a voyage like this, you should should have every amenity." My fave Groucho Marx line, from A Night At The Opera and it means I am going to make the best of a bad situation, probably by frequenting the bar.
"You mean witches? We have 'em too. We just pronounce it differently." Van Johnson's immortal line from Brigadoon. I use this to explain that my feelings for someone extend beyond the supposed mere dislike.
"Nonsense. They came nowhere near my tabloids." From The Thin Man, and used to indicate "no harm done."
"Congratulations. You're a Hell of a threat to mosquitos eveywhere." Grabbed from Ensign Pulver (a very young Jack Nicholson boasts about just having swatted a bug) and used whenever someone brags about something very trivial. I mean even trivial for me, which is saying a lot.
"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." from Arsenic and Old Lace. Used to explain my abysmal relatives.
"I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time." From Broadcast News and used when someone thinks I know WTF s/he is talking about.
"What we've got here is failure to communicate." a BRILLIANT line from Cool Hand Luke which I use to denote (usually to my long-suffering wife) that she is not paying detailed enough attention to whetever the Hell it is I am talking about now.
"I was born a poor black child." from The Jerk. I use it to denote how much progress I have made towards a particularly difficult goal, such as making gnocchi from scratch.
"In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject so worthy of my attention." From Laura, uttered by the very inimitable Clifton Webb. Self-explanatory.
"Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?" Little Caesar (and also, hilariously, Home on the Range) used to admit that something, towards which I have expended much effort, is going to not work out.
"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." To be uttered to someone who is really doing something completely idiotic, counterproductive and self-indulgent, from Animal House.
"Rommel! You magnificent bastard! I read your book!" From Patton, and used to indicate that, following written instructions, I have achieved better-than-expected results.

I could go on and on...in fact, I think I have.

-J.

* Other amazing lines are:

(when LB III deplanes in the tropical swelter of South East Asia) "Jesus H. Christ, we must be a mile from the sun."
(when LB III spots a tall Texan in a crowd of Thais) "I'm going strictly by height, but...are you in charge here?"
"It's not that I can't help these people it's that...I don't want to."
"We must do what we must do, for if we do not do what we must do, then what we must do does not get done."

Posted by Joke at 7:57 AM

8 Comments

  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 10:42 AM, January 20, 2006  
    Wunderbar! I must catch up on my movie-watching...shocked gasp as she reveals that she has never seen 90% of the films mentioned--but I did see Broadcast News!! Off to take my walk...you know to that place we went that time...
  • Blogger jujube posted at 11:15 AM, January 20, 2006  
    "Charlie don't surf"--when asked to clarify why I want to do something.

    "It's not my dog." (from "Does your dog bite?" "No." ... "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite." "It's not my dog."/The Pink Panther Strikes Again)--when people don't ask me for enough info and then draw the wrong conclusions.

    "Lighten up, Francis."--daily, and sometimes even to myself.

    "And don't call me Shirley."--daily

    "Would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"/The Three Amigos--daily

    "I feel the need - the need for speed!"--36 times a year!

    "Nobody puts Baby in a corner."--daily.

    "No, now go away before I taunt you a second time."--daily
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:17 AM, January 20, 2006  
    Yay! Jujube plays along! :-)

    -J.
  • Blogger BabelBabe posted at 2:40 PM, January 20, 2006  
    other than the arsenic and old lace line, none of these match mine well, some of jujube's do - - but i will soon be posting them. thx for an awesome post idea!

    here's a preview, oh lucky you:

    put zee candle BACK! (young frankenstein)

    The steps are treacherous!(ditto)

    I'm tired...tired of playing the game!(blazing saddles)

    demented and sad but social (breakfast club)
  • Blogger BabelBabe posted at 2:41 PM, January 20, 2006  
    joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked? - airplanehow could i have forgotten? i could go on all day and presently will.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 3:28 PM, January 20, 2006  
    OMG, that line from Broadcast News? That's how my family talks ALL THE TIME. The rest of the time, we apparently steal all of our material from Jujube (do NOT get me started on lines swiped from Stripes).

    I saw BN at the theater with my mom, and when they did that line where the guy says, "It must be wonderful to always know more than everyone else in the room," and Holly Hunter says, "No, it's awful," my mom turned to me and said, "That's YOU."

    And so it is.
  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 8:16 PM, January 20, 2006  
    I'll have to work on this one. My sister can quote whole scenes in Princess Bride, but I think we're going for quotes in context..."We're not in Kansas anymore" and "Tomorrow is another day" I guess are the ones I use most liberally.
  • Blogger blackbird posted at 8:59 PM, January 20, 2006  
    around these parts we are know to invoke:

    Stay on target - from Star Wars. Used when one of the kids is losing it and we are not sure how to cope.

    We'll drive all night, we'll go fishing... - from Casablanca, called upon when trying to choose a family activity.

    I don't know... play chess... screw...
    [quickly] Let's play chess.
    from Blazing Saddles. Suggestions for a tuesday evening.
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