Sunday, April 02, 2006

Sunday Confessions

1- I cannot think of any human being who looks good in sandals. Those who look like aging hippies fare worse than the rest.

2- I still hate Daylight Savings Time. It strikes me as one of those evils foisted upon us ages ago, like tax withholding or door-to-door soliciting or parking meters, that has become ingrained in our consciousness. But I still hate it.

3- People whose list of "Oh, I don't eat..." contains more than 5 items proscribed (for reasons other than health or faith) perplex me. Those who are vegetarians and hate most vegetables drive me to despair.

4- I suffer from terrible schadenfreude.

5- I firmly believe the vast majority of people who disagree with me are, frankly, intellectually vacant or lazy or both.

6- I'm sick of seeing flared jeans.

7- I have One Little Slip by Barenaked Ladies (from the Chicken Little soundtrack) REALLY stuck in my head.

That is all.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 12:19 PM

20 Comments

  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 1:57 PM, April 02, 2006  
    I only wear sandals because the government is withholding the rest of the leather I earned.

    p.s. BTW, Jesus disagrees with you about the sandal wearing. And His intelligence, like the rest of Him, is exemplary. Therefore, I have run rings around you logically. Again.
  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 3:03 PM, April 02, 2006  
    Depends upon the sex of the sandal wearer and the sandals, my dear misguided blogger. Strap a pair of Joan and David's upon my pedicured feet, and VOILA! The sum is so much more than its parts. Now if you were talking about men in sandals, then I agree with you.

    And I live with a vegetarian who hates alot of vegetables. He subsists on pasta and cheeses. And pasta sauces. His eye level of our pantry is a cornucopia of pasta. And here I am, with my high triglycerides, living out of the carnivore section of the refrigerator.

    Holidays are especially vexing. Ever try to make a turkey-shaped lentil loaf? Me either.
  • Blogger Carolyn posted at 10:14 PM, April 02, 2006  
    I'm sick of seeing girl with their butt cracks hanging out!

    And I loathe daylight savings time.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 10:33 PM, April 02, 2006  
    My DH wears fisherman sandals year-round. I KNOW.

    I like daylight savings time. It means we can go swimming after supper and not get eaten by mosquitoes. Or have drinks on the patio after supper and not get eaten by mosquitoes.

    I am pretty much all about the mosquito avoidance. Which is why I don't live in SoFla.
  • Blogger Bec of the Ladies Lounge posted at 8:28 AM, April 03, 2006  
    Pleased to see Kim's confessions bring out the hater in non-haters-of-food!

    But I can't be with you on the anti-Daylight Savings. I can't imagine summer without those extra long evenings!
  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 8:37 AM, April 03, 2006  
    Yeah, in summer, I live in my sandals. Although this year, I will have to find a new pair...

    the best part: showing off my toes, which are painted in fire engine red. (really the only color that toenails should be painted)

    and I'm with Poppy on the Jesus thing.
  • Blogger --erica posted at 9:10 AM, April 03, 2006  
    "It was a cup of good intentions
    A tablespoon of one big mess
    A dash of overreaction
    And I assume you know the rest"
  • Blogger Joke posted at 10:40 AM, April 03, 2006  
    The reason Jesus wore sandals was to presage His sacrifice and redemption. I mean, DUH.

    While sandal-ed women are, IMCO, somewhat tolerable (even if said footwear is unflattering) in the case of the males of the species it's simply too much to bear. It smacks of "Let's march on Washington!" (Even though he's been dead for years.)

    You will all be pleased that the entire household, all of whom stand in opposition to my views of DST, woke up logy and cranky and not desirous to avail themselves of the manifest goodness the hour of daylight which had been saved had wrought upon them.

    HA!

    -J.
  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 11:32 AM, April 03, 2006  
    But Joke, like Badger's husband, He's still wearing them.
  • Blogger BabelBabe posted at 11:36 AM, April 03, 2006  
    i think that your saying you "suffer" from schadenfreude is hilarious.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 11:47 AM, April 03, 2006  
    I love BNL. Sadly, though, they were nowhere to be found when I couldn't sleep last night. What was stuck in my head? Don Freaking Henley singing "All She Wants to Do is Dance". I don't like that song, and I most emphatically did *not* want to dance. It was 3am and I wanted to sleep.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 12:33 PM, April 03, 2006  
    The Catechism is quite explicit in saying His sacrifice is ever present, so DUH. It is an unarguable proof of Divine Love that He would endure an eternity in sandals.

    -J.
  • Blogger julia posted at 1:57 PM, April 03, 2006  
    I had Durufle's Requiem stuck in my head all night. I'd much rather BNL.

    Sandals are one of the necessities of life, as far as I'm concerned, but yes, the toenails must be red - I prefer I'm Not Really A Waitress from OPI or a nice double decker bus red. But red they must be. And pedicured. Otherwise, ew.
  • Blogger Bec of the Ladies Lounge posted at 11:38 PM, April 03, 2006  
    But Joke, surely they took off the sandals before the crucifixion? Ergo, He will not be suffering in them for eternity.
    Unless He's got a loophole that let Him take baggage with Him??
  • Blogger Joke posted at 8:19 AM, April 04, 2006  
    Bec,

    Tradition holds He put them back on to schlep to Emmaus and to pop in and say "hi" to his fisherperson disciples. For His sake I hope that when He ascended the sandals were left behind as useless ballast.

    But that's only something I hope, not something I know.

    Julia,

    Pedicures will not help someone whose feet are ungainly. If someone's foot looks as though they are quite useful in progressing from vine to vine or aid in the consumption of bananas, there is no amount of OPI "I'm Not Really A Gibbon" that will help.

    -J.
    -J.
  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 10:35 AM, April 04, 2006  
    So ... I guess that means while His sacrifice is ever present, (I already knew this because those Communion wafers taste so bad that it's a sacrifice to eat them) His presaging stage (say that three times fast) ended fairly promptly. Whereupon He lost the sandals. Because He wasn't presaging His sacrifice while it was going on.

    (Come to think of it, I think I saw that scene in The Life of Brian.)

    All has become clear, oh mighty theologian of great Catholicism. I owe you one.

    So where do I sign up to become Catholic?

    p.s. I'm enjoying making this your longest series of comments.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:23 AM, April 04, 2006  
    Poppy,

    What you fail to realize is that He had a different pair of sandals when He presaged His sacrifice.

    Oh, ye of little faith.

    -J.
  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 2:01 PM, April 04, 2006  
    Man in crowd V
    Look!

    Man in crowd III
    The shoe is the sign! Let us follow his example!

    Man in crowd IV
    What?

    Man in crowd III
    Let us like him, hold up one shoe and let the other one be upon
    our foot, for this is his sign that all who follow him shall do likewise!

    Man in crowd III
    No, no, no, the shoe is a sign that we must gather shoes together in abundance!

    Woman in crowd II
    Cast off the shoes! Follow the gourd!

    Man in crowd V
    No, let us gather shoes together! Let me!

    Woman in crowd
    Oh, get off!

    (And to think that all this time ... people have been following the shoe. When it should have been the sandal.)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 3:36 PM, April 04, 2006  
    CENTURION:
    'Go home'? This is motion towards. Isn't it, boy?
    BRIAN:
    Ah. Ah, dative, sir! Ahh! No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! Ah! Oh, the... accusative! Accusative! Ah! 'Domum', sir! 'Ad domum'! Ah! Oooh! Ah!
    CENTURION:
    Except that 'domus' takes the...?
    BRIAN:
    The locative, sir!
    CENTURION:
    Which is...?!
    BRIAN:
    'Domum'.
    CENTURION:
    'Domum'.
    BRIAN:
    Aaah! Ah.
    CENTURION:
    'Um'. Understand?
    BRIAN:
    Yes, sir.
    CENTURION:
    Now, write it out a hundred times.
    BRIAN:
    Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.
    CENTURION:
    Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.
  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 5:36 PM, April 04, 2006  
    At our school, nobody ever mentioned the locative.

    I want my father's money back.

    "Yes, I could have been a judge, but I never had the Latin, never had the Latin for the judging, I just never had sufficient of it to get through the rigorous judging exams. They’re noted for their rigour. People come out staggering and saying ‘My God what a rigorous exam – and so I became a miner instead. I’d rather have been a judge than a miner. Being a miner, as soon as you are too old and tired and sick and stupid to do the job properly, well you have to go. Well the opposite applies with judges."

    Peter Cook in Beyond the Fringe
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