Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Yet another in a seemingly endless series of JokeFest updates

OK.

This is what I have figured out will be the grub for JokeFest.

I shall fire up Ye Olde Porne Grille and I shall grill some pizzas:
1- Your basic pizza Margherita and, my fave,
2- Gorgonzola and caramelized onions,

both made from the fruits of my CrockPotTM.

Then, I'll make some ginormous panini on individual baguettes (I cannot make bread outside a bread machine, so I'll make do with bakery-bought stuff):

3- Fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, arugula, prosciutto and EVOO
4- Grilled chicken, bacon, fresh spinach and provolone
5- Grilled eggplant, zucchini, summer squash and aioli

Then, in other assoted tidbits:

6- Spinach "dip" bruschetta (a riff on what Carolyn suggested, only this way there is no dipping required)
7- Mini crab cakes with a relatively spicy remoulade (hat tip to BB)
8- "Steak sarnies" (steak, grilled onions, lime-Dijon sauce)
9- Jerk pork (like Badger's pulled pork cheat, only with jerk spices) on toasted sourdough rounds
10- Vegetable hosomaki rolls

To drink:

1- An array of beers (Guinness, Corona w. lime, Boulevard Brewing Irish Ale)
2- Decent wines (Barbera red & Rias Baixas white, both eminently potable and VERY food friendly)
3- Limoncello sours
4- Cosmopolitans (as per TFBIM's explicit request)

Now you know.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 1:16 PM

20 Comments

  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 2:40 PM, April 05, 2006  
    This corks it!

    If my husband and I part company (God Forbid) I am marrying an Iberian the next time. First husband was a Sicilian (first initial G, last initial Vese to give you an idea of the plate-throwing, neck throttling, pipe-wrench throwing fits that went on - and sometimes he lost his temper, too). This husband is half Jewish/Half Engineer, which means alot of guilt and futzing. Neither one cooked or currently cooks, both were or are extremely finiky eaters. Which means I have always cooked at least 2 completely different meals a night; now 4, since the addition of crumbgrinders.

    I am not kidding; I am almost crying with envy of your TFBYM as you COOK, you CLEAN, you WAKE UP CHILDREN and take care of their toilettes, and you seem to be a sensitive sort. Methinks you are a rare bird.

    Anyway, your menu sounds great. Ambitious but delicious. What is EVOO? I have seen Badger write this too. You could leave off the prosciutto on some of the motts/tom/arugula panini and have another vegetarian offering. If there will be any non-carnivores attending.

    (and for a good laugh, read Badger's http://wistynacked.blogspot.com on the dialictized food post link.)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 3:14 PM, April 05, 2006  
    Whoa, whoa, whoa.

    I don't clean. I sometimes pick up my own stuff, and I regularly command those whom I have offsprung to clean/and pick up after themselves.

    AT MOST, I'll throw plates into the dishwasher (but I don't restock).

    Now you know.

    -J.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 3:15 PM, April 05, 2006  
    P.S. EVOO is Extra Virgin Olive Oil. I s'pose I could shove aside some prosciutto for the one vegetarian in attendance.
  • Blogger Carolyn posted at 4:01 PM, April 05, 2006  
    Do you can the sauce after you put it in the jars? It sounds delicious.

    Keep posting menus like that and I will move to Florida and rudely invite myself to all your parties.
  • Blogger jujube posted at 4:09 PM, April 05, 2006  
    mmmm. limoncellos and cosmos. although the mojitos at JFI were pretty good too (can you pls. shoot me that recipe, btw?)
  • Blogger Badger posted at 4:28 PM, April 05, 2006  
    "A sensitive sort"?!

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!

    OMG. I think I hurt something.
  • Blogger Peg posted at 5:06 PM, April 05, 2006  
    Vickee -- your assignment tonight is to make ONE meal, which happens to be one of *your* very favorites. Invite the rest of your family to join you. If they do, I hope you have an enjoyable family dinner. If they don't like it, I hope *you* still have an enjoyable dinner, which you deserve, after you've shown them where the kitchen is to fend for themselves, even the crumbgrinders (a 3-year-old can pour milk from a tumbler into a bowl of cereal).

    It's up to you who gets to do the dishes. Good luck!

    P.S. Everyone loves a good Joke, don't they?
  • Blogger Lazy cow posted at 5:46 PM, April 05, 2006  
    I meant to leave a JokeFest suggestion but I guess I only did it in my mind? Could you add pear to the gorgonzola pizza, or are you banging your head on the keyboard in dismay?
    It all sounds divine.
  • Blogger daysgoby posted at 7:20 PM, April 05, 2006  
    Yummy. 'Scuse me while I wipe my chin before I drool onto the keyboard.

    Yay! I got a blender in the mail today! Can't wait to try it out!
  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 7:51 PM, April 05, 2006  
    J-the cleaning I can hire out. You clean the Grill! That's my definition of 'man who cleans'.

    Peg-I like ear-poppin' hot food. The husband is vegetarian, the more bland the better. One son is a carnivore and the other is a crunchy carbo fiend. The pediatrician said to Mommie Dearest the whole lot of them years ago. I must've starved in a past life, as I cannot let them miss a meal! *hanging head in shame* But I did grin when I read your post.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 6:36 AM, April 06, 2006  
    The dirty little secret is that 80%+ of the edibles of the make-ahead variety.

    LC, I must decline your suggestion for the pear thing. Mind you, I LIKE the pear/gorgonzola combination (grilled pears, nice hunk of gorgonzola where the pear has been cored out), but the balsamic onion base would riot.

    AND, to show that purple-undergarmented lunatic that I am, in fact, quite sensitive (actually, I even have a slight chafing) I will have you all know that even though I married a woman with SERIOUS food preference issues, I openly stated that I would cook only one meal and, if she didn't care for it, she would be at liberty to feed herself as she best saw fit.

    Given that my cooking of an ingredient she hated (say, carrots) was infinitely preferable to HER cooking of something she loved (say, cow, usually--and preferably--burned), she reluctantly came along.

    If such tough love (and the fact I wasn't going to give up, say, curry) isn't manifest proof I'm a sensitive plant, I dunno what is.

    (Quit laughing Badger!)

    -J.

    P.S. Jujube, I'll repost it.
  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 8:37 AM, April 06, 2006  
    whoah, when did it become april 6?
  • Blogger Gina posted at 9:04 AM, April 06, 2006  
    Do you make the panini on the grill? That's appealing, but I'm not sure how you do the smooshing. If it makes a difference, I don't have a porno grill. I have a simple Webber kettle grill--the kind that uses charcoal (which my son insists on calling "sharkle", which is another story).
  • Blogger Joke posted at 9:24 AM, April 06, 2006  
    SL, about 9 hours ago.

    Gina, the smooshing is done by wrapping tightly in foil and wighing down with bricks. and I LOVE my Weber kettle grill. It's what I use for steaks and other foods that must receive RIDICULOUS heat or a good dose of smoky flavor.

    I hacked the Weber with a bit of exhaust plumbing (cheap, Pep Boys) and an old vacuum cleaner on reverse. The extra blast of oxygen turns the damned thing into a forge which, in combination with wood charcoal, makes for serious steak grillage.

    -J.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 11:31 AM, April 06, 2006  
    Did you *really* trick out your grill?!?!?!?! Dear GOD, man! :-)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:36 AM, April 06, 2006  
    Uh, yeah.

    Wha-a-at?

    -J.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 12:15 PM, April 06, 2006  
    I have honestly never heard of such a thing. And I have to ask whether there's duct tape involved. Because you don't strik me as a duct tape kind of guy...
  • Blogger Joke posted at 12:40 PM, April 06, 2006  
    Just some cheap, flexible exhaust hose from the auto supply place and an old vacuum cleaner. You connect the cheap exhaust hose to the vent at the bottom of the Weber, and the other end to the vacuum cleaner (or leaf blower or hair dryer or...) and just turn it on to blow OUT.

    It gets like eleventy gazillion degrees.

    The rig-free way to do it is just to get a charcoal "starter" chimney and a small grill grate. The chimney effect gets the heat going super hot, although you won't get the surface area ypou want for more than a couple of steaks.

    -J.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 2:29 PM, April 06, 2006  
    So does this mean you're actually "handy", or just resourceful? Because you might just be single-handedly restoring my faith in manhood, what with the cooking *and* the tinkering . . .

    (I'm kidding, but only a little.)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 3:55 PM, April 06, 2006  
    I jury-rig a lot of things, but repair few.

    My friend S. is one such guy. He has all kinds of woodworking and power tools and he does all sorts of professional-caliber electrical contracting work and carpentry and remodeling AND HE IS A SYSTEMS ANALYST for some accounting firm.

    -J.
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