Abduct me from the Seraglio, please.

Dear Internet,

Dunno about you, but I wasn't born married. I checked. My mother specifically stated I was born without a morning coat and striped trousers, without a cake and without a girl in a big white dress next to me and without a clergyperson nearby. Having gotten married since, this means there have been a ::cough, cough:: few fits 'n' starts, missteps, trials 'n' errors, blunders and outright calamities in my trek from the womb to the altar.

Just wanted to throw that out there in the spirit of honesty and, also, as background information. File this tidbit away for the moment, you'll see this material again shortly.

Something else that you ought know about me is that I am not--nor am I interested in ever being--someone who is on speaking terms with previous romantic partners. Over means over. In fact, not only am I highly uncomfortable with having an ex or twelve in the periphery of my life (even if along the outermost perimeter), I am uncomfortable being romantically entangled with who doesn't believe/act likewise. It is, as the kids today say, a dealbreaker. You have no idead (no, really, you don't) how many otherwise excellent pairings I have declined for this very reason. Shot out of the sky even while on the runway.

Let the past bury its dead past, says I.

TFBIM and I were acquaintance/friends for about 4ish years before we ever had our 1st date. So we have a vague, dim knowledge of things Before Us. That's exactly how we like it. Some people are the polar opposites (socializing with exes, visiting them, etc.) and God bless 'em.

So you see where this is going, right?


Friday we went to see Mozart's The Abduction from the Seraglio. Which was cool and fun and a great time. Then, as we were traipsing down the aisle* whom should we bump into but my antepenultimate GF (APGF, for short). This was, if not quite Hell, certainly one of the less savory neighborhoods in Purgatory.

1- We're all pressed together in a sea of humanity flowing moltenly towards the concession stands.
2- TFBIM and APGF were also acquanitances. So we all know that we all know.
3- APGF dumped** me to date and marry and divorce an acquaintance/friend of mine (AFM). There was some, um, overlap before she broke the news. Well, "broke the news" is not exactly it...more like "admitted things were pretty much what they seemed" is closer to the mark.

There's really nowhere to go. You just have to sit there and take it like a rat. Which I did, shaving centuries, possibly even a millennium or two off my stay in Purgatory. Polite small talk was made, chitchat ensued. (You can't have two attractive women in close proximity without each of them independently reaching the conclusion that the other one is more attractive and the guy standing there is both completely at fault and a heel of the worst sort.) Eventually the logjam of humanity breaks and, breathing free again, we all head in different directions, making sure to return to our seats in ways other than those whence we came. Then comes the nightful of aftershocks.

"APGF looks pretty good, doesn't she?"
"I wonder what happened between APGF and AFM..."
"How long has it been since you bumped into APGF?"
"Who's she here with?" (With her mother--!--although I didn't answer)
"Hm! I never knew she liked the opera. I would've never thought to see her here."

Fortunately, the curtain rose and people in costume began to project in German.


* I slay myself, really.
** And not one of those dumpings which I quietly engineered, either.


MsCellania said…
Some of my very best friends are old boyfriends. And their wives are dear friends now, too.
I'm godmother to their children.
But nobody that I was passionate about - that would be too awful. Love/Hate are close emotions. But fondness? That can live forever.
And it's so nice that you always speak of TFBYM in such great terms.
Joke said…
If you can pull it off, then enjoy it in good health. I surely can't.

Stomper Girl said…
I feel your pain, but man that was a good story. Still grinning.

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