Posted by Joke at 8:17 AM
Tere posted at 9:36 AM, March 13, 2007
I do agree, there's a diff between being the aggressor and resorting to force, as opposed to self-defense.
Oh, and I need, for a point of reference, your sons' ages.
Joke posted at 10:24 AM, March 13, 2007
8 & 9-and-a-half, Your Honor.
Badger posted at 11:58 AM, March 13, 2007
After the bully incident in fourth grade, the boy child has adopted a policy of "shoot first and ask questions later". He lacks the social savvy (because of the Aspergers, you know) to determine whether someone is just playing around or seriously intending to do him harm or make him look a fool, so he just clocks them and sorts out the apologies later.
So yeah. I just love it when the school's number shows up on my caller ID.
(As an aside, though, these incidents have gotten fewer and further between as this school year has progressed. Whether because the kids are giving him a wide berth or he's learned to control it a bit, I don't know.)
Joke posted at 12:02 PM, March 13, 2007
I'm thinking Boy Child has that whole Peace-through-Strength thing down.
I wouldn't worry unless and until he starts quoting Marcellus Wallace, though.
Sarah O. posted at 6:16 PM, March 13, 2007
A couple of years ago my son dealt with harrassment by a genuine terror of a boy by punching the kid in the face.
Liberal old peacenik me secretly applauded.
My boy had tried to deal with this kid peacefully for weeks to no avail. I appreciated his proactive and finally effective manner of dealing with the situation.
And thanks for indirectly reminding me to join the NRA.*
Joke posted at 7:38 PM, March 13, 2007
Ironically, as a right-wing maniac, I'm a bit horrified. Mind you, this wasn't weekes upon weeks of merciless taunting and verbal abuse, but still.
As of today, there are no relapses in question.
Tere posted at 9:36 PM, March 13, 2007
Thanks, helps me follow along more easily.
Stomper Girl posted at 10:02 PM, March 13, 2007
This post gave me a disturbing mental link to that Kenny Rogers "sometimes you have to fight to be a man" song, which I did not want in my brain ever again, and indeed, I didn't even know it still lurked there.
It's awful when ganging up happens, especially if you have a kind, angelic child. I always think kids without native rat-cunning are more likely to hit out in these situations because they just don't have the coping mechanisms. Poor NOS. I agree about all the reinforcement stuff and have absolutely the same views on socking people in the chops but my sympathy is still with the sweet boy who got teased...
Joke posted at 11:06 PM, March 13, 2007
Agreed. The hard part is explaining to a 9 y.o. that wanting to turn the child who is teasing him into a vermilion stain on the pavement is natural and understandable, acting on that impulse -- absent any other factor -- isn't.
To be honest, I don't particularly care about how the children who got slugged feel/felt about the natural consequences of their unacceptable actions. I just don't want my son resorting to force unless it is to respond to unprovoked force.
I mean, yes, my heart goes out to him becase he was being his usual sunny self and all of a sudden kids who had been his friends started teasing him for no discernible reason. But because I love him I don't want him to think of force as a first resort; force ought be undesirable, albeit not unthinkable.
Fortunately, all seems to have been mended.
Just glad he hasn't started judo yet.
meggie posted at 3:40 AM, March 14, 2007
ALWAYS YAY! to the Ghandi approach!
Joke posted at 7:51 AM, March 14, 2007
Precisely. I have, therefore, sent him marching off to the sea to make salt.
My float posted at 8:59 AM, March 14, 2007
But how do you KNOW all this stuff?
I have no flipping idea, I've figured. No clue at all.
I'm so conciliatory that I'm almost a doormat. I don't want that for my son. So how do you teach that balance - be strong but not aggressive?
Joke posted at 10:51 AM, March 14, 2007
Given his age, the rule I have (until he is of such an age as he can discern nuances, etc.) is that he is not to hit first, period; but, if someone hits/attempts to hit him, he has my blessing to use whatever means short of criminal violence to defend himself.
NTS, though, doen't get teased, probably because he has been an assiduous follower of Badger's "Boy Child System" of dealing with provocation, thereby forestalling any. In his defense, NTS doesn't -- as opposed to NOS -- brood on grievances.
Someone snatches away his toy, he thrashes the malefactor, and can immediately resume the closest of friendships with the child in question.
In sum: "Don't hit first." That doesn't mean be compliant or wilting, it means that unless things reach a breaking point ("then Billy hit me, so I hit him back...") the response has to be commensurate with the provocation; and sometimes (i.e., not "invariably") the wisest thing to do is walk away with a few choice sarcastic asides.
My float posted at 4:58 PM, March 14, 2007
I can see I'll be asking you a lot of questions!
Joke posted at 5:14 PM, March 14, 2007
Feel free. I'm a veritable font of knowledge on myriad subjects spanning the whole spectrum of usefulness.