Oy. (Pictures to follow.)

The thing about being me is that everything, eventually, will happen to me. People who are fulltime SAHPs don't have office drama, and people who fulltime not-SAHPs don't have to fight the war on the home front.

But I get to see both sides of it. Which is very cool in that you get perspective and find common ground with assorted people you otherwise wouldn't have. When I say it's very cool, I mean, naturally, not while you're in the middle of it.

NOS woke up blazing* with fever. As is often the case, TFBIM puts these things where I wouldn't, and as such I couldn't find the thermometer. Many SAHPs would have gone in a blind panic, but not I, Mr. Expedient. We marched into the kitchen and applied the Williams-Sonoma roasting thermometer. (Yes, I scrubbed it soapily before and afterwards, sheesh.) This gave us our febrile reading.

NOS, who in this regard takes after the TFBIM side, is incapable of feeling bad and not verbalizing it; with much in the way of dramatic flourish for effect. This means that I had to listen to whinging, moaning, complaints and imprecations as I dressed in a rush, dressed the kids in a rush; of course NTS had to be dropped off at school, and only then we could to head for the pediatrician's office.

The way our pediatrician works is that there are 4 (5?) slots per hour and kids without an appointments (i.e., those who woke up sick) are given the last slot of the hour. So, this means that if you arrive and look in the "sick" waiting room, for every person ahead of you it means one hour of waiting.

We got relatively lucky and arrived just before 9am, so there were only 3 people ahead of us. Anyway, we managed to get out around lunchtime after a session in which NOS was jabbed, prodded, peered and measured in every conceivable way. Diagnosis: some sort of tonsil/throat infection thing. He is to take antibiotics and ibuprofen and stay put. Which, incidentally is a rare thing. He is now flopped on the couch having been force-fed lunch.

So, rather winded from these activities, I sat down to have an espresso, since I had rushed out sans caffeine in the morning. I turn on the machine and it starts making all the appropriate whirring and cranking noises when, outa the clear blue


A loud crack rent the air, as if someone had snapped a bone within a foot of my ear. The espresso machine started gushing forth as it had some sort of tropical digestive malady.

The "superior filter," by cracking at the base and at the screw fitting [PRETEND THERE IS A PHOTO HERE] had shuffled off its mortal coil and joined the café invisible. The machine was as useless [PRETEND THERE IS ANOTHER PHOTO HERE] as -- WARNING -- "a dead rat in a tampon factory."**

Fortunately, even though it's been outa warranty since forever and has about 4K shots on the clock, the Customer Service guy comped me the relevant parts and is sending them USPS Priority. He is even sending updated paperwork and giving us an extended warranty for free.

SOMETIMES, not always, but sometimes, the goodness of humanity surprises me.


** That's from Top Secret!


Badger said…
Here is another thing about those who split the SAHP/non-SAHP thing: they are used to being expedient in their jobs, and then they try to apply that to SAHPing, which just creates more damn work.

Because a full-time SAHP slacker like myself would have felt the kid's forehead, called the school to report him absent, then spent the day plying him with ginger ale and popsicles while simultaneously watching a bunch of recorded stuff on Ti-Faux and surfing the web. No thermometer searches or waiting rooms or any of that crappe.

But maybe that's just me.
Joke said…
Yeah, but he has a NASTY thoat ingection, which decorum prevents from detailing further.

Now I'm just surfing the web and watching Food Network.

I'm only a PT slacker, alas.

Badger said…
Well, if you don't work very hard and consistently fail to apply yourself, you will no doubt someday become a slacker guru like moi.

P.S. Good health vibes for the boy.

P.P.S. And also, it's kind of amazing my kids have lived this long. It's okay, you can say it.
Sarah O. said…
I haven't taken my kids' temperatures since they were preschoolers. No reason except that I figure if they're really sick I'll know it.

When I do eventually take them to the doctor I'm always asked if the kid has a fever. And I always get THE LOOK from the nurse when I say I don't know.

p.s. Thanks for the meat thermometer tip. I've lost countless human thermometers but my meat thermometer's survived 3 moves.
stompergirl said…
That thermometer looks like it plays your favourite tunes while it waits to give your temperature. And then gives you a verdict : well enough to go to school / keep in bed for the day / hospitalise immediately.

Hope NOS has stopped whinging I mean feels better.

And that you are coping without the coffee machine until the new parts arrive.
Suse said…
I use the awfully hi tech method of hand on forehead, ooh yes you're burning up, have some panadol and an icypole and we'll have a lovely quiet day with books and silence.

Slacker-parents of the world, UNITE!
BabelBabe said…
only YOU would use a roasting thermometer to take his child's temperature. thank god it wasn't rectal.

it wasn't, was it?
Joke said…
I can't speak for how they do things in Pittsburgh, but down heah we are not likely to roast recta.


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