"Oh, you know I'm blogging this."

The party went swell.

Nobody helped. I don't say this to kick off a pity-fest, but rather to explain why I am so.dog.tired.

Anyway, we didn't have the R.s.v.p. issues we did last year, which was nice.

But.

There was a moment of "shock and awe."

TFBIM's friend M. arrived with a gentleman escort who was not her husband. And, er, chest implants. Both were rather jarring to behold, seeing as how these were great surprises to the assembled.

Let the record show, Your Honor, my opinion of M. has never been...er...sanguine. It is only out of great husbandly love I invited her. She is someone who, insofar as I can tell, has led a searingly dysfunctional life punctuated by behaviors generally associated with undomesticated cats. (Ahem.)

She is also someone whose general sense of taste and demanor is...um...not fully coincident with mine. (Can you tell I'm being diplomatic so Santa Claus will not look askance at my absurd list of requests?) TFBIM is fully aware of my views but seeing as how TFBIM cannot work in close proximity to anyone without wanting to a) set his/her family pet -- and this includes fish -- on fire or b) become his/her very best friend ever, she has an inexplicable fondness for the bucolic meretrix in question.

So picture the scene. We walk in, everyone yells "Surprise!" TFBIM wonders aloud "Again?!" and she and I filter through the room slowly doing the meet & greet thing. I come upon M. she has a long-ish perm, is wearing a low-cut something which reveal (more on this anon) two new, recent, gravity-defying items which stand in bold relief against her middle-aged frame. He countenance is tanned and also showing the effects of gravity upon a body which has had a, uh, lot of living. Then she introduces someone who is less bearded and more steroid-ed than the guy she brought to the thing LAST year. Recovering with lynx-ish reflexes I shake his hand amiably and proceed.

"Hm." I think*.

Now, the room where we had the party is The Courtyard Room and it, naturally, opens up to the courtyard. Since it was sprinkling on and off almost everyone stayed inside and mingled and ate and chatted, except for These Two, who kept shimmering out semi-discreetly and returning -- I don't want to say "disheveled" but definitely less heveled than upon egress -- and shimmering and returning.

It was so bad that even TFBIM took notice.

They excused themselves and took an early leave since he had an early call tomorrow. The way the room was in relation to the parking lot we could see them drive off and, once they were safely under way the room suddenly effervesced with conversation, about which these two were the main topic. The general sentiment was "What the [fornicate] was that?"

But then the flambee' desserts started and all was jollity and mirth once more.

Oh, and the goody bags were a hit.

-J.

* Turns out he is a co-worker of hers and that's how they met.

Comments

daysgoby said…
Less heveled? My friend, you make me laugh. I'm going to use that today!



Sounds like a great night! Are you going to try a third time?
meggie said…
Oh Yes! Heveled was my pick too!

Cant wait to read more.
h&b said…
So, is this the end of TFBIM's relationship .. or will she keep this gal on for more party hijinks and to entertain the more heveled folks ?
HEATHER said…
Too bad Websters already picked
w00t as their new word to add this year, because less heveled could really have given it a run for
it's money!
shula said…
I was going to (cough) insert something witty, involving the words, 'bang' and 'tomorrow', but I'm not fully awake yet, so you can fill in the gaps yourself.
Joke said…
TFBIM keeps friends as if they were government agencies, forever and well past their usefulness.

-J.

P.S. Shula, I.must.not.make.horrid.puns.
Kim said…
...led a searingly dysfunctional life punctuated by behaviors generally associated with undomesticated cats...

hands up anyone who does not have a 'friend' fitting this description?

Unlike Mrs J I am far more thrifty and partial to restructures which give such acquaintances voluntary redundancies.

I think my goal for this week is to use the phrase less heveled at least once a day.
Badger said…
Happy Birthday to TFBYM!!

While you were doing that, I was spending the weekend with my inlaws. And how is YOUR liver today? Mine may not recover.
Poppy Buxom said…
You know, this is one of those moments when your blog could really use pictures.

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