SAHD 101 - A Case Study

Dear Class, following is a problem not printed in your workbooks. Please complete it and turn it in. There will be a quiz next period.

Bob is at home in a Stay At Home Dad capacity. His wife, Muriel, has what she calls an "accent piece" and which Bob has always been on public redord as considering "an unspeakably, unholy monument to hideousness." While Muriel is working late, and while their daughters are performing their pre-bedtime routines, Bob decides to take a shower. During said shower, one of their daughters, Mildred (at least we suspect it's Mildred) transforms the object in question into its twelvety frillion component molecules. Bob did not notice, and Mildred (if it was, indeed, Mildred) did not volunteer the object was, er, damaged.


Muriel arrives home and manages to notice. She then gives voice to her views on the matter. The neighbors report her argument was cogent, logical and sound.


1- In how much trouble is Bob?
2- What effect on the situation does it have the object was a gift?
3- What effect on the situation does it have that the object was a gift from Muriel's mother?
4- Is it justifiable for Bob to sell Mildred (if Mildred was, in fact, responsible) for medical experiments?
5- Which bodyparts will Bob lose?
6- What should Bob purchase Muriel to assuage her?
a) Should he sell Mildred (if Mildred, indeed, was the culprit) to pay for the above?
b) Would this purchase fully atone for this incident?
(Discuss the relationship between #6 and the human sacrifices rendered by the Aztecs, Incas, Ninevites and Polynesian peoples.)

EXTRA CREDIT: Explain (using charts, graphs and a timeline) why it was Bob's fault.

Please write legibly, cite examples to support your assertions and properly attribute any quotes or concepts you use.


blackbird said…
I think we all know the answer here.
Bob is in deep trouble.
He is in deep trouble because the gift was from Muriel's mother and Muriel knows how Bob feels about both her mother and the gift and because Bob was in the damn shower when he should have been supervising the pre-bedtime routines and because Muriel is mad at Bob and doesn't need a reason anyway.

Poor Mildred is just a pawn.
BabelBabe said…
dude. it should not have been on display until the children were at least fifty. so therefore it is MURIEL'S fault. Duh. anyone with children knows this.
Badger said…
HAHAHAHAHAAA! The fact that you are even asking these questions demonstrates exactly how hosed you really are.

Screw replacing the item and/or springing for an appeasement gift -- buy some kevlar. And buy it quickly.
BABELBABE is RIGHT on the money!! Totally Muriel's fault.
Do you know how many decorative pieces of Belleek I have that are still in the boxes squirreled away in closets? Same goes for Radko, and Waterford. PUT AWAY, till the kid goes to college, by then I will probably be to feeble and clumsy to display it!
Frogdancer said…
But the important thing is that the fugly item is now gone. Bob can lie low for a while, secretly glad that his abode (of which, being the SAHD, he has to look at the most) is now clear of unspeakable ugliness.

Unless they're a very plain family.
olivespearls said…
Oh, dear. Bob is in Very Serious Trouble, and if he'd been on his toes, he would have pre-empted this by greeting Muriel at the door with great, choking sobs over the demise of said accent piece, so that Muriel would find herself actually *consoling Bob* instead of blaming him.

Poppy Buxom said…
Problem is, Bob didn't notice the thing was destroyed.

Let me tell you how this would be handled in the Buxom household:

Master Buxom: You know that antique Victorian davenport your mother gave us? Poppette took a hatchet to it while I was in the shower.

Poppy: What the hell were you doing letting her play with a hatchet?

Master Buxom: It's just the one your stepmother leaves in the living room so she can chop firewood at a moment's notice. And hey, I told Poppette she was strictly forbidden to hurt anything living with it.

Poppy: Oh. All right.
SAHD 101.
1. Big trouble Bob, BIG.
2. Major
3. Is this a trick question?
4.No. Bob had a shower. Bob had a shower leaving children unsupervised. Stupid Bob.
5. You name it - they are gone.
6. I think you have said before that sparkles are good in this kind of situation.
a) No -see 4 above.
b) Unlikely. I think you KNOW the relationship between #6 and human sacrifices. Don't you?

For extra credit

Ugly accent piece (given by mother) x broken by unsupervised minor = armless, legless credit card maxed out Bob
Kim said…
1. Immeasurable.
2. A LOT.
3. Even more.
4. If Bob can find Mildred as I suspect Mildred is lying very very low.
5. The bits that matter
6. Something that sparkles. Brightly.
a) if Mildred is cut from cloth remotely similar to other offspring then her sale won't even cover the cost of the wrapping paper.
b) No. Bob needs to accept that Muriel now has the right bestowed upon her by the greatest divinity to call upon this incident for her own advancement/cause as often as she sees fit. For time immemorial.
Kim said…
For extra credit points...

It is Bob's fault because Muriel says it's Bob's fault.
Major Bedhead said…
1- A sum equal to the mass of the earth.
2- Increases degree of trouble gotten into by 10.
3- Ibid, by 20
4- While tempting, the authorities tend to frown on such things. And it will, inevitably, get Bob into much more trouble. Also, it will make Bob into Bubba's bitch down at the local penitentiary.
5- Just his hearing. If he's lucky.
6- Something in a little blue box.
a) Again, not unless Bob has a burning desire to be Bubba's bitch. If so, then sell away, Bob, sell away.
b) Probably not. Women, like elephants, have notoriously long memories.
(The Aztecs, Incas, Ninevites and Polynesian peoples did not have said little blue boxes and were forced to use such things as shrunken heads, maize and, um, pineapple in addition to human sacrifices. None of which compares to sparkly things in little blue boxes.)

EXTRA CREDIT: Dood, I don't need a chart. It's Bob's fault because Muriel says it's Bob's fault and the sooner you, uh, I mean Bob realizes this, the better it will go for everyone.
MsCellania said…
Jewelry for Muriel.
More Pokemon cards for Mildred.
(But for an entirely different reason and at an entirely different time. But YOU will know that the cards are in eternal thanks.
And do the Snoopy Dance that the fugly item is history. In Private, of course.

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