Sunday, February 03, 2008

A light in the darkness.

Part of the reason why my beloved says I do rather well as a father to 9 & 10 year old boys is that I can immediately summon the thinking of a 9-10 year old boy. This I shan't deny. In fact, I offer evidence on behalf of the prosecution.

One of the ways in which my more youthful thinking is given manifestation is in my thoroughly irrational love for things which glow in the dark.

Show me something which glows in the dark, and I immediately shed 75% of my age. The array of things I have accumulated bought for my kids is impressive. There are the cups and Frisbee-like plates from Disney World's Sci-Fi Dine-In (the very lovely and extremely gracious Poppy knows whereof I type) which are very handy during loss of electricity, to say nothing of getting NOS & NTS to drink that last consignment of milk at bedtime.

There are also stickers, magnets, cocktail stirrers, rulers, plastic models of movie monsters, and so forth.

Then there is the way I proclaim my religious witness to all and sundry: with a glow in the dark Rosary which I had a very dear friend, who was traveling to Rome, get blessed by the Pope. Yes, the Pope blessed my glow-in-the-dark Rosary. TFBIM's eyes rolled so much that I thought she might detach something.

The problem is that, being that kind of Catholic precluded me from adding the crowning piece to my collection. During a recent road trip, I availed myself of the gentlemen's facilities at a roadside service stop. In the men's room there was a vending machine which, in addition to tiny packets of aspirin, nail clippers, plastic combs, etc. had a small sealed square package for sale, about 1" x 1" through which a distinct circular outline (ahem) was plainly discernible. The item in question -- which was advertised as being something to "protect" me but in a "sensitive" way -- had the felicituous name of "The Glow Stick."

Oh, how it pained me to leave it unpurchased. Had I not had two small lads -- enquiries which I would not have wanted to address then and there and for the remainder of the road trip would have ensued -- in tow, I might have succumbed to the temptation.

I still harbor the daydream of teasing TFBIM by surprising her in the dark with such a sight, while uttering in a falsetto "Help me, Obi-Wan."

Yes, I am impossible.

-J.

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Posted by Joke at 7:30 AM

17 Comments

  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 10:12 AM, February 03, 2008  
    Oh great.
    Now my sons want to know 'What's so funny, Mommy?!'
  • Blogger Badger posted at 10:39 AM, February 03, 2008  
    If you have not ever seen the Blake Edwards movie Skin Deep with John Ritter, I implore you to do so immediately. There's a scene featuring the glow-in-the-dark version of the, er, item you failed to purchase, which will have you peeing your pants with laughter.
  • Blogger Caro posted at 11:12 AM, February 03, 2008  
    What Badger said. Hee!

    Maybe you can order some online. What an addition to the collection that would be. How would you display them, packaged or unfurled?
  • Blogger Major Bedhead posted at 12:21 PM, February 03, 2008  
    "Help me, Obi-Wan."

    I think it really is possible to die laughing.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 12:24 PM, February 03, 2008  
    OMG! I remember that!!!!

    Wow, memory whiplash.

    -J.

    P.S. I especially love the exit-the-parking-lot scene.
  • Blogger My float posted at 7:19 PM, February 03, 2008  
    Hey, I carried one of those, em, items in my party bag for YEARS. Still sealed, I hastened to add. It would always come out as a party trick. Until I dropped it at my parents' place, and then it went into the bin, pronto!
  • Blogger h&b posted at 8:47 PM, February 03, 2008  
    What would happen to your light sabre if you wife pointed and laughed at it though ?
  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 8:54 PM, February 03, 2008  
    The Vatican would not approve of a glow-in-the-dark light saber. This is because the Vatican wants you to be open, while in the act of love, to the possibility of producing new glow-in-the-dark offspring.

    If that happens, That Stud Muffin I Married, who is Catholic (at least insofar as he was baptized in a Catholic church) and whose study boasts glow-in-the-dark wallpaper, says he wants to be godfather.

    p.s. Of course you realize that you could purchase the items in question, fill them with water, and use them as stealth water bombs.
  • Blogger crafty posted at 9:49 PM, February 03, 2008  
    You could always just prick it with a pin. Rendering it useful only for it's glow in the dark properties...
  • Blogger Joke posted at 10:22 PM, February 03, 2008  
    H&B - I'd cup my hands over my mouth and breathily announce "I find your lack of faith in the Force disturbing."

    Crafty - It's an unusual synthesis; all of the drawbacks and none of the benefits.

    Poppy - I was thinking of getting 10 and making GITD gloves.

    -J.
  • Blogger bluemountainsmary posted at 10:28 PM, February 03, 2008  
    I know everyone has kind of leapt on the glow in the dark you are a Catholic so you don't use them contraceptive device bandwagon.

    I on the other hand cannot pass by the set of glow in the dark rosary beads. That the Pope blessed? I would have loved to have seen that...
  • Blogger Sarah O. posted at 11:21 PM, February 03, 2008  
    Here ya go, Joke.

    I'd buy you some but that would be just a little weird.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:24 PM, February 03, 2008  
    Those better NOT be the kind you have to bend and snap to get them to work.

    -J.
  • Blogger shula posted at 2:42 AM, February 04, 2008  
    I think I just accidentally detatched something.

    Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
  • Blogger Kim posted at 6:35 AM, February 04, 2008  
    well that was refreshing.
  • Blogger Stomper Girl posted at 7:03 AM, February 04, 2008  
    Um. I love glow-in-the-dark too and I was really quite excited by this post until the imagery of that last GITD item kind of burst my bubble a bit.

    But hey, I had a good laugh even though I can't get rid of the picture in my brain now.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 7:21 AM, February 04, 2008  
    No pun intended, I hope.

    -J.
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