Tenth Anniversary

Today, Internet, marks the 10th Anniversary of the day I almost died. And by "almost died" I mean "OHMAHGAWDIALMOSTDIED!" It happened because, sadly, whenever I am driving any car, the entire vehicle is encased in my Invisibility Force Field.

I was driving merrily home after a gym & swim session when some imbecile utterly ignored a stop sign and struck my car amidships at what the police estimated was 50mph (80kph) between the driver's door and the rear driver's side door. The impact was such that my car was driven sideways into a telephone (or maybe electric?) utility pole on the opposite side where it remained firmly wedged. The windshield shattered in my face. The force twisted the driver's seat 15 degrees and then drove my right knee hard against the dashboard.

Joan Claybrook and Ralph [spit] Nader* would be intrigued to note that such an automotive feature of the Nanny State as an airbag singularly failed to deploy but, because I was a veteran of motorsports by that time, my seatbelt held me fast.

The eleventy gazillion cubes of safety glass that had once been held together by the unity of purpose of serving as a windshield all showered me, lightly lacerating my face -- my now-ruined eyeglasses saved my eyes -- like some sort of Soviet dermabrasion. My sweatshirt was ruined by the glass dust which encrusted it.

Impact felt not so much like some imbecile had utterly ignored a stop sign and struck my car amidships, but rather, as if my car had plummeted straight down about 8-10 feet. I walked away, which astonished all the neighbors because I wasn't dead (some elderly Haitian lady sprinkled me with what I can only hope was holy water) and the policeman on the scene told me: "If he had struck you 3 or 4 inches further up, we would have had to take you out with a spoon." The baby seat where NOS sat (NTS was still happily gestating) was completely caved in. I'll just leave that there.

I had to do about 6-8 sessions of rehabilitative therapy on my knee and buy new sunglasses. TFBIM, with gestational hormones rioting within her system sobbed uncontrollably for hours.

The worst part is that I had JUST picked up the car from being serviced.

So, in sum, you can see why my Guardian Angel gets paid overtime.

-J.

P.S. I generally try to be circumspect about these things, but let's just say my views on Ralph [spit] Nader are not...er...uniformly positive.

Comments

Oh that was holy water alright.
Shirty said…
Ralph Nader advocated for seat belts long before he advocated for air bags. Just sayin'.

-Gina
Joke said…
Preston Tucker was doing that 15 years before Ralph [spit] Nader.

-J.
Shirty said…
Calling a book Unsafe at Any Speed, though? You have to admit that was genius.

-G
HEATHER said…
I am hoping that NOS was not in the car-seat at the time.
Frogdancer said…
Oh wow. That was amazing. Bet you were glad NOS wasn't with you that day.(Cold shivers down the spine.)
I bet every day after that feels shiny and new...

Happy anniversary, Jokemeister!
Joke said…
Yes, it was excellent marketing.

No, NOS was not in the car at the time. If he had been he would not have celebrated his 1st birthday, let alone his 11th.

It took me about a day to have my heart stop hammering, incidentally.

-J.
Man!

The angels were absolutely working overtime that day. For you and NOS! Someone whispered in your ear not to take him in the car to give Mum a break.
Stomper Girl said…
Sheesh! Good old guardian angel. How's the knee these days? Can you predict rain with it? Also, what happened to the utter imbecile?
Joke said…
The knee is OK, although when I kneel it sometimes make a faint "pop" akin to the sound of a knuckle cracking.

The imbecile was hauled off by the police and, through my lawyer I found out that he'd lost his license for a year.

-J.
Caro said…
Wow, I'm glad you are still here and blogging.

I am more than doubly glad your son wasn't with you.
Sarah O. said…
Yeesh!

I evidently have a guardian angel too. I should have died a whole bunch o' times and got away with scratches.

Mr. Lemony had a similar accident to yours. He was driving a Saab, pre-airbags. The broken glass slightly cut him, he broke a few ribs but also walked away. When I saw the remains of the Saab in the insurance company's junkyard, I couldn't believe he wasn't killed.

I'm glad you lived to tell and have suffered no serious lingering injuries. Also beyond glad that NOS wasn't with you!
meggie said…
Thank Goodness the Guardian Angel was watching closely!

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