Contusions and lacerations.

If this keeps up, I don't know how long it'll be until I look like one of those cartoony skiing accident victims on a hospital bed. (See Fig. 1)

You may recall my beloved is, um, a sleeper. (Narcoleptic is, perhaps, too harsh a word.) The problem is that she has terrible balance* when awake. The problem is further compounded by the fact that when she's asleep her balance doesn't improve. Quite often this means she has some realistic dream which involves her succumbing to the gravitational pull of the earth wherein she tries to regain her balance by flailing around which, when one is asleep in relatively close proximity to one's husband, often results in contact.

I only mention this because I was awakened rather roughly by what possibly was a delicate, dainty female elbow (or wrist, it's hard to tell under the circs.) in the general vicinity of my windpipe.

Thought you ought to know, lest this calamity also befall you.

-J.

P.S. Now...and I know who you are...no smartass wisecracks about "not liking it rough in bed."

*Oh, Internet, the number of times I have had something sprained, strained or twisted when we're walking hand-in-hand (what? shut up.) and she trips, slips or skids.

Comments

Poppy Buxom said…
I'll keep your advice in mind. You know, in case I ever end up sleeping with your wife.
Joke said…
...or if TSMYM ever calls you at 3am from an emergency room in Florida.
HEATHER said…
On a serious note, has she been to a sleep clinic? This could be helped with meds.
I do know what you are going through, before my husband had his sleep study, he punched me in the mouth one night while sleeping. It wasn't hard enough to leave a bruise(just woke me up), but it scared the hell out of both of us.
Um... now all avenues of rough play innuendo have been disallowed...

the cause of the balance issue is?
shula said…
You know that Bec would have a field day with this...
Badger said…
I am shutting right up ovah heah, because my DH is also a sleep-flailer. You need a king-sized bed, if you don't already have one.
Stomper Girl said…
Ha ha ha. I can't even think of a dirty crack, I'm laughing too hard at imagining you being snapped to wakefulness by a blow to the throat. Hoo!

Maybe she could take up tap-dancing; VERY beneficial to the balance-impaired. True story.

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