Sunday, April 05, 2009

This way lies madness.

Sometimes things, good and excellent things in and of themselves, contaminate other things.

The criteria by which X is judged to be excellent is used as a yardstick for Y. Y, sadly, suffers. Y becomes a shadow of its former self. Sucks to like Y as originally constituted.

"Speak English!" I can hear the exceedingly lovely and wildly gracious Poppy fulminating.


I'm talking cocktails.

Last night a small brigade of people ostensibly rekated to me by ties of blood descended upon my house. They intended to dine and play board games all night long. For some reason, I decided to go with a Mexican motif for potables and edibles -- mostly because fajitas lend themselves to a semi-self-serve-roll-your-own approach which cuts down on the effort required of me.

Which is fine.

Now, seeing as I had an abundance of limes Margaritas were requested. Sadly, since I was caught unprepared, I had no resources to draw upon except for the top-shelf raw materials. So the disappointment was keen when people basically demanded what amounts to be a tequila-inflected slushy limeade.

The problem is all the slushy tropical fruit drinks.

They are relatively weak, rather fruity, slushily cold, and quite sweet. Which is fine.

But not every drink is meant for such a fate. Only now anyone requesting a drink with even chemical traces of fruit juices wants a sticky-sweet snow-cone. Which bothers me immensely.



Posted by Joke at 11:52 AM


  • Blogger Poppy Buxom posted at 4:14 PM, April 05, 2009  
    You know, cocktails are like hardware. Don't wonder which computer to buy; figure out what software you want to run.

    In the same vein, don't decide on a cocktail until you know whether you'd rather have something long, cool, and not too strong to cool off on a hot day ... or get drunk.

    Margaritas, martinis, Manhattans, kamikazis and gimlets are for getting drunk.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 4:20 PM, April 05, 2009  

    We're being overrun by savages.

    The older I get the more prophetic Lord of the Flies starts to seem.
  • Blogger Caro posted at 5:16 PM, April 05, 2009  
    I like my slushy, sweet, probably filled with HFCS margaritas. Fortunately I only have one about every six months.
  • Anonymous Jen posted at 8:21 PM, April 05, 2009  
    Here, here. Back when I could drink, I liked my margaritas (and everything else) straight up.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 10:59 PM, April 05, 2009  
    The frozen margarita is an abomination before the Lord.

    Frozen DAIQUIRIES, on the other hand....
  • Blogger shula posted at 1:46 AM, April 06, 2009  
    Never mind.
  • Blogger Alby Mangroves posted at 2:42 AM, April 09, 2009  
    I may be one of those savages.. no idea about cocktails. No idea about wine. Vodka & cranberry for me. Should I go live in a cave? I may have to de-lurk here more often.. might learn something.
  • Anonymous Joke posted at 5:22 AM, April 09, 2009  
    Um. If you read the post carefully, you will see the point I was making concerns drinks which have been bastardized.

    To use your example, it's as if you asked for a vodka and cranberry "but with rum instead of vodka, and could you put maple syrup instead of the cranberry?"
  • Blogger Alby Mangroves posted at 12:20 AM, April 15, 2009  
    A fair slap, I was simply admitting to an authority that I wouldn't know if a drink had been bastardized, as I know virtually nothing about drinks.. (slinking away) Rum and maple syrup? It will never catch on.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 12:27 AM, April 15, 2009  
    I hope it doesn't.

    The best way to tell if a drink has been bastardized is this:

    1- Is it slushy?
    2- Is it tooth-rattlingly sweet?
    3- Is it a flourescent color? (Optional)
  • Blogger Alby Mangroves posted at 10:55 PM, April 19, 2009  
    Aah yes. The ones my father-in-law calls leg-openers.
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