Thursday, May 07, 2009

Honesty Is The Best Policy

In which our hero gets in a bit of trouble for speaking his mind.

It is gratifying, dear Internet, that even in these straitened times, there are those who call upon Uncle Joke in a professional capacity. Maybe not in a lucrative professional capacity, but nonetheless he is still sought and his advice and insight meet with the sagely nods of the multitude.

So it is in that spirit Uncle Joke decided to accept an invitation to be in a panel intended to discuss what's wrong with the world and how it ought to be fixed.

What was less obvious, however, was that the other panelists were the sort who exhibit the two characteristics for which Uncle Joke harbors the greatest disdain: they were humorless and they were utterly hostile to reality and facts.

Yes, darlings, Uncle Joke was up on a dais with people who were allergic to being correct and were dour about it.

Fool that I am, instead of delivering an ideologically charged harangue, I delivered my remarks as a series of neatly fashioned logical links hanging cheerfully from easily verifiable facts. This didn't sit well with my co-panelists who all managed to do nothing more than thump their collective chests and rant and rail. The general theme was the Unfairness of It All. These are the sorts of people whose primary motivating factor is making sure that, if Halley's Comet ever slammed into us, it killed the right proportions of all population subtypes, broken down by age and sex.

Which struck me as ironic, because these panelists seem to have been seriously broken down by age and sex.

But I digress.

What finally caused me to loosen my reserved charm was this exchange, which, for your delight and amusement, I reproduce verbatim:

Ms. Panelist: I do love the dichotomy of when a guy is difficult, he's "strong willed" but when a woman is, she's a "bitch."

Me: (Having had enough drivel.) That's wrong. When a man is difficult he's not "strong willed." He's "a dick."

Posted by Joke at 3:08 AM

8 Comments

  • Anonymous Frogdancer posted at 6:23 AM, May 07, 2009  
    Bless you!

    You are so right. That's why I am having a (very long and getting longer all the time) break from dating. There's a lot of 'strong willed' men around in the Melbourne dating scene. (Can't understand why they're single, really....)
  • Anonymous Bec posted at 8:43 AM, May 07, 2009  
    I can't remember what I was going to say because I have just picked myself up off the floor and rejoined the laptop.

    I kid you not, the Word Verification is PROMEN.

    At least Blogger doesn't think you're all "strongwilled".
  • Anonymous Bec posted at 8:46 AM, May 07, 2009  
    ps - and don't think it went unnoticed that you called her a bitch without saying the word... smooth. very smooth.

    WV for this one is MINGGA. I don't know how good your grasp of the vernacular is but I may wet myself if Blogger keeps the gags rolling like this.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 9:24 AM, May 07, 2009  
    Froggy - I find that being "strong willed" besides being an excellent way to prove oneself unpleasant to all and sundry, is also a colossal effort. Why anyone would want to strain himself to be disliked is beyond me but, and this is the important bit, it's indicative of a personality best avoided.

    Bec - You see right through me. Rest easy in my grasp of the jargon of the greater Anglosphere. The excellent octogenarian who was the recipient of the rejoinder was -- and probably has been since the mid 1920s -- a "right minger."

    You may also be pleased that I derive much pleasure from the reactions wrought by my unexpected use of vulgarities. Not quite as impressive as hearing the Queen saying them, but close.
  • Anonymous Bec posted at 1:04 AM, May 09, 2009  
    Trivia moment: did you know Honesty is the Best Policy is the company motto that led the Australian Arnott's Biscuits company to use a parrot on a perch as its logo?

    Think about it.

    (Nothing funny in WV this time, the glory days are over)
  • Blogger shula posted at 12:51 AM, May 10, 2009  
    Shula sits, quietly pondering a connection, of any kind, between truth and parrots, and...

    turns up nothing.

    Perhaps the connection is geogical (WV).

    What is it exactly that Joke does, anyway?

    Apart from foaming up the Opposition?
  • Blogger Joke posted at 7:50 AM, May 10, 2009  
    I also foam up those who ostensibly agree with me.
  • Anonymous Bec posted at 8:30 AM, May 10, 2009  
    "On His Tee is the Best Pol I See."

    The T is the shape of the perch; Pol for Polly.

    You'd have got there with google in the end...
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