It's 1521. You're a chieftain of some lovely Pacific island. You have the most women, the biggest hut, your pick of outrigger canoes. Life is good. Then some big ships show up. "Great. MORE Europeans." The Europeans make friends with your rival chieftain from the other side of the island. You snub everyone. The Europeans take the snub as a snub and choose to attack you. But they misjudge the tide and leap into water waist deep in full armor, and too far to use their weapons.
You slaughter them all, especially the leader.
That leader was Magellan. Immortalized by the Magellan Straits and also that GPS* thingy, among other things.
You're chief Lapu-Lapu and, instead, you're immortalized by a tiki drink served in a cored-out pineapple, most famously at Walt Disney World's Polynesian Resort's Tambu Lounge. This past Labor Day** we went to this very spot. TFBIM had the selfsame beverage. Verily she loved it and has developed a fondness therefor and I was commissioned to replicate it.
You start off with a pineapple. Note the corer. US$3 on eBay. Before I get more carried away with this, let me say I cannot say enough good things about this cheap-o corer. Yes, you can get fancier ones, made of stainless steel with sharper blades and finer teeth. These will give you less jagged pineapple rings, if that means that much to you. I, personally, couldn't care less about the aesthetic qualities of the rings...so the extra 600% premium isn't worth it.
You lop the top off, much like Lapu-Lapu's warriors seemed to have preferred. (Hence the name?)
All you have to do to core out the pineapple is center the corer right on the, er, core of the pineapple and drive the corer in, twisting with slight downward pressure. When you get down as far as you want, you pull up as with a manual corkscrew.
TIP: Place the pineapple being cored inside bowl of some kind, as there WILL be juice spouting forth generously and you want to capture said juice. This will also keep your wife from exhibiting displeasure.
1 Tbsp Simple "2:1" syrup
1 Tbsp Passion fruit syrup (50-50 passion fruit pulp and 2:1 sugar syrup)
1 Tbsp Orgeat
2 oz Orange juice (absent any fresh-squeezed, of all the supermarket brands, I suggest Florida Natural)
2 oz Pineapple juice (absent any fresh-squeezed -- you'll recall I said above you wanted the fresh juice -- I suggest Dole; this scenario presumes you're making this in a regular glass)
2 oz Dark rum (Bacardi 8 in this case)
2 oz White Rum (I like Cruzan Aged Light, but I was trying to finish up the Bacardi Silver)
[Picture would have gone here, but NOS was getting hollered at by TFBIM.]
Put this all in a shaker with about 6oz of cracked ice. Then you shake...
...and shake. Until the tin of the shaker frosts over.
TIP: With any drink calling for syrups, juices, etc. and you're only using ONE measuring vessel (i.e. a jigger or shot glass) do so in this order: syrups THEN juices THEN any flavored liquors or liqueurs THEN the spirits.
* SatNav to the rest of the Anglosphere.** First Monday in September to the rest of the Anglosphere.
Posted by Joke at 6:54 PM