Friday, May 28, 2010

Hold that thought

Have some assortedness to report. Stand by.

Posted by Joke at 3:00 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

In which our hero succumbs to a cyber-fad

I am always wary of blog contests. I realize I am being lured into something not for grand and noble purposes, but rather, merely to inflate someone's readership. So I generally skip those, being deeply principled and unimpressed with the prize.

But my principles, as anyone who knew me back during my Wilderness Years will attest, can be malleable.

So I make this embarrassing-ish deviation from policy because the prize of a certain blog contest is so wonderful, containing, by my estimation, a small fortune's worth of ardent spirits of unimpeachable quality.

My purity cannot be swayed for, say, a $25 gift card from [insert retailer here] -- much as I enjoy [retailer] -- but when one is offering wildly rare and somewhat expensive spirituous liquors representing the very zenith of the distiller's art...well, I can tell my purity to take the day off.

So, basically, stand by for a blog post in the next 3-4 days that might prove a craven and unabashed attempt to win some highly coveted (I cannot emphasize sufficiently how hard to find these particular bottles are) potables.

Ya done been warned.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 9:29 AM 1 comments

Friday, May 14, 2010

Pretend, for a moment.

This is not really new content.

It really is NEW, so that's good. It's just not so content-ish.

But one cannot be deaf to the vox populi, so I must place digit to keyboard and issue dispatches from the front.

Today's dispatch is in the form of a cocktailian recipe.

Many, MANY epochs ago, my parents' go-to beverage was the whisk(e)y sour. Having grown up practically submerged in rum and its cocktail offspring, bourbon was seen as both The Done Thing in this new land, and also as quite an exotic quaff. So there you have it. At that time (i.e. the tail end of the Mad Men years) this was a very big cocktail, having supplanted in popularity the dry Martini and Manhattan as a looser and more relaxed beverage.

Then, of course, that ghetto of a decade (the 1970s) clamped its jaws upon the throat of civilization and all manner of vile beverages infested the land. But now cocktailness is making something of a rennaissance in the broader culture and with it come classic potions of yore.

So I go for the Whisk(e)y Sour. It is yummy, and soothing and also I have a gift bottle of Virginia Gentleman I'd like to finish so that I may free up shelf space for something new, bourbonwise.

So here is my recipe.

Take an old-fashioned or double old-fashioned (i.e. "rocks") glass, and stash it in the freezer. Some people suggest filling the glass with ice, but the appalling slowness of my icemaker, I like not wasting such a precious commodity.
Assemble your ingredients. Lemon, bourbon (in this case Virginia Gentleman, which I am trying to finish) and simple syrup. (You will note the judicious use of the labelmaker.)

Slice your lemon in half, equatorially. (Incidentally, if you use a Meyer lemon you will need less syrup.) If you use a manual citrus press, cut two deep perpendicular scores into each lemon half.
Squeeze. An average lemon should get you 2oz (+/-60ml) of juice.Add your bourbon. 1½ ounces (+/-45ml).
Then your syrup. Call it one ounce (+/-30ml)

Fill your shaker's tumbler with cracked ice. (Some people like to add some of the lemon peel. I approve, but often don't remember or cannot be bothered.) Shake until a thin frost forms on the outside of the steel part of the shaker.Strain into the awaiting vessel filled with fresh, "dry" ice. (Not "dry ice" but ice that happens to be dry. This is crucial.)

There you go.
-J.

Posted by Joke at 12:06 PM 4 comments

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Ah. Well. Yes.

I have absolutely nothing to say.

Nothing.

At all.

Zip.

Zero.

Zilch.

Nil.

Bupkis.

Nada.

I could very well grab any random post from the last 3 months (either of them...ahem) and repost it here and it would be truthful and accurate.

But I won't.

Because I respect you, Internet.

Instead, I will see

1- How entertainingly I can write about the current nothingness, or
2- Write nothing until something semi-coherent materializes around my frontal lobe and filters to the keyboard.

I suspect the former.

I meant to have a lovely ceviche recipe, but several of the readership have mentioned how it's still snowing, and a cool dish of cured seafood seems all wrong when Mother Nature has clad herself with a placid mantle of while global warming. So I have stayed my hand. It was also consumed before I had an opportunity to photograph it, and I haven't had a chance to run out and get more scallops and shrimp therefor. Which is a pity, because ovah heah it has been hotter and muggier than Satan's armpit, and something in the ceviche line would have hit the proverbial spot.

So now you know to be on standby.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 9:12 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Like a tapas bar.

This post won't have any one Main Thing.

For better or worse, there ISN'T one to be had, so you'll have to graze contentedly on amouse bouches until otherwise directed.

1- Now I know why they call them "smart phones." Because they are, and you, you decrepit post-pubescent ruin, are most emphatically not.

2- My espresso machine is, quite possibly, possessed. Would you believe it if I told you it makes espresso for nobody in the middle of the night? (The concept that ghosts, etc. need the caffeine will not be entertained.)

3- The Compliment of the Year. Late last week, someone found me on FB. Someone whom I had not seen in almost 30 years. In the middle of an email volley she chimed in with "OMG, even on the Internet you sound exactly like the guy you were 30 years ago." Don't let the grey hair fool you kids, I still have the same immature outlook I did back in 1981.

4- I saw that. (You know who you are.)

5- Youth can be determined by whether you qualify a given situation as "exciting" or "stressful." I am not used to, having concluded an exciting/stressful day, being nearly comatose with sleepiness. WTF?

6- Kentucky Derby aside, I'm actually not all that crazy about mint juleps (or, to be fair, mojitos) and, in fact, I consider mint rather underwhelming.

7- Mint feels the same way about me, refusing to grow in my garden.

8- Aging beef at home is worth the moderate inconvenience.

9- Why is it parts of me that were perfectly discomfort-free at 7pm on Monday are a mass of aches at 7am on Tuesday? (You see why I don't sleep? That's when they get ya.)

10- I'm puzzled as to why some people age better than others. Even more puzzled by people who get more attractive as they age. Trying to join the latter camp.

Carry on,

-J.

Posted by Joke at 9:12 AM 3 comments

Saturday, May 01, 2010

...in which our hero realizes he has, officially, become ancient and decrepit.

My cell* phone died today.

So I went to get another. For reasons which have yet to be adequately explored, when you go to the phone store, you will see manifestly inferior phones for a patillion dollars, and then you'll see phones with enough computing capacity to suit three of NASA and most of NORAD for a mere bag-of-shells.

There are arcane and byzantine rules governing the pricing of these, even more absurd and impenetrable than those governing airline tickets. But, the price for what I wanted was right, and I leapt at it. (Cynics would say that what I wanted was because of what was cheapest, not YOU, of course, but cynics...)

It's a touchscreen phone with a moderate amount of bells and whistles. Came with a pouch, and an ear thingy which I'll lose soon, and chargers and so forth. Then I got it out of the box and started to try certain features, which began to vex me almost immediately.

So, reflexively, I turned to NOS and said "You. YOU. Set this bloody thing up."

And he did. In 2 minutes.

I am now practically a fossil.

-J.

*mobile

Posted by Joke at 9:37 PM 6 comments