Monday, July 10, 2017

Cheating is encouraged?


You'll be pleased to know that my professional wardrobe is leavened with fraud.

Those who see me arrayed in said finery will say to themselves "My, Uncle Joe surely is wearing one of his stellar bespokes as he toils ceaselessly in the engine-room of capitalism." This, incidentally, is precisely the impression I wish to convey.
However, that impression is more often than not, incorrect. I cheat.

"How" I hear you moaning and whinging "could one possibly cheat in terms of one's wardrobe?" Very easily. You see, the vast majority of the time, captains of high finance such as I are not swanning about in a full suit; jacket, shirt, tie, trousers, etc. If you notice carefully, most of the time we, at the Plutocratic Guild, are jacketless. What does this mean? It means that if one only dons the jacket upon emerging from one's vehicle only to doff it the picosecond one approaches one's desk and only dons it again to exit the office and walk to one's vehicle whereupon it is doffed one last time, then the majority of the time you needn't bother with a jacket.

So, if you needn't bother with a jacket X% of the time, you needn't clutter up your wardrobe with excess suitings. You can make do pretty nicely with 3-4 stellar suits, instead of the usual 10 (1-a-day x 2 weeks) suits of "merely-decent" quality.

So what do these faux-suited titans such as I do?

We buy trousers of unimpeachable quality in suiting-like fabrics, and wear them as if we had a suit and took off the jacket. Not too long ago, at a certain outpost of Mr. Lauren's, I managed to score EIGHT suiting-like trousers for an absolute pittance. Navy pinstripes, glen plaids, grey herringbones, charcoal houndstooths, etc. all for absurdly low sums. The tailoring is stellar and suit-like, with forward pleats, onseam pockets, suspender/brace buttons and the like. Even better these are cotton, so they stay cool and because I have them dry-cleaned instead of laundered, they stay looking sharp and wool-suit-like.

Your Uncle Joe is a very, very clevah lad.

-J.

Posted by JMG at 4:52 PM

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