I Married A Fragile Narcoleptic
When you have been committing matrimony for over a decade you learn certain things about your immortal beloved that you never knew when you said "I do." It is, obviously, that there are no good surprises in a marriage. Some are less bad than others, sure. Here's mine (it's pretty mild, so no need to call lawyers or anything).
The punch line--joke to follow--is that my wife has no stamina compounded by a narcoleptic nature that would shock anyone except Poppy. Example: Our housekeeper went back to visit her family and left the week before Easter. When she was midvisit, she felt bad, and was admitted to the hospital where they found some Serious Woman Trouble that needed emergency surgery and that knocked her out of commission until...uh...Monday, May 31, when she was allowed to return to SoFla. She still needs a month to recuperate. Guess how long our house has done without professional cleaning and looking after? Do the math. Anyway, TFBIM, unable to take it any longer, decided to do the job herself. Being an amateur in this field, it took her twice as long as our housekeeper (6 vs. 3 hours) AND she was fast asleep by 8:30pm and slept until 9:30am. This proved insufficient to deal with the exhaustive trauma and she turned in, a living wreck, about 20 min. ago.
The punch line--joke to follow--is that my wife has no stamina compounded by a narcoleptic nature that would shock anyone except Poppy. Example: Our housekeeper went back to visit her family and left the week before Easter. When she was midvisit, she felt bad, and was admitted to the hospital where they found some Serious Woman Trouble that needed emergency surgery and that knocked her out of commission until...uh...Monday, May 31, when she was allowed to return to SoFla. She still needs a month to recuperate. Guess how long our house has done without professional cleaning and looking after? Do the math. Anyway, TFBIM, unable to take it any longer, decided to do the job herself. Being an amateur in this field, it took her twice as long as our housekeeper (6 vs. 3 hours) AND she was fast asleep by 8:30pm and slept until 9:30am. This proved insufficient to deal with the exhaustive trauma and she turned in, a living wreck, about 20 min. ago.
Comments
I haven't broken down yet, having managed to keep the kitchen (my #1 priority) under control during that time, but the livingroom carpet is another story altogether.
And were I to actually tackle three weeks' worth of non-vacuuming, I would so totally sleep for about a week afterwards. Because the carpet, it is hideous.
In the meantime, we have just managed to get a friend's HK to temp for the next month while our HK recuperates from whatever happened to her woman parts, which nobody explains but everyone mentions in hushed tones. If she started shooting blood from her belly button, or her fallopian tubes came out her nose, I have no clue.
Anyway, then TFBIM gets mad at me because I'm, like, "Eh. Whatever." and failing to join in the StressFest (I doubt you could clog my arteries with a caulking gun.) and that, clearly, means I do not care.
P.S. Stress burns calories. I read that somewhere, I think. Although it might have been in TV Guide or Reader's Digest. Which reminds me that I have got to start bringing my own reading material to the doctor's office.