Revenge of the Unwilling Guest
As you guys know full well, I have been roped into going to this wedding tomorrow night. I am going, despite my protests, howls, imprecations and laments. Since the toothpaste was irremediably out of the tube, I announced to She Who Sold Me Out that:
1- I would be arriving at the wedding in an ethanol-ameliorated way.
2- I'd gauge my beverage consumption to stay that way.
3- The whole thing would be blogged in the most pellucidly, pitiless detail. None shall be spared and no kindness extended. I will out all the guests with that ::cough, cough:: auburn hair.
4- I'm going to wear my Pimp Faux-lex Watch.
a) The story behind this watch is that a certain relative of TFBIM went out one day and bought himself a diamond-encrusted Rolex for $6K. While $6K isn't a whole bloody lot to pay for a collectible watch--the "Paul Newman" Rolex Oyster Daytona Cosmograph usually goes for $60K--it struck me as a lot of coin to look like someone in P. Diddy's entourage or a member of teh roadcompany of The Sopranos. I then asked my BiL to grab me a replica thereof next time he went to Hong Kong. Which he did. The real and fake are identical. Only mine cost $20.
5- I'm going to wear a "guayabera."
a) Normally, I wouldn't wear a guayabera to a dogfight.
b) Here in SoFla--in some quarters--a long sleeved, cufflinked guayabera is considered equivalent to a dark suit. So a lot of events end up looking like the opening session of the Philippines' parliament.
The guayabera is iffy though, as I'd have to borrow one, to say nothing of TFBIM shooting me while I showered. In that case, I'll wear a bow tie which is my default "protest apparel."
Although the bride is someone for whom I don't particularly have any feelings, I do not wish her ill. In fact, I wish this marriage, like all her subsequent marriages, is a happy one.
1- I would be arriving at the wedding in an ethanol-ameliorated way.
2- I'd gauge my beverage consumption to stay that way.
3- The whole thing would be blogged in the most pellucidly, pitiless detail. None shall be spared and no kindness extended. I will out all the guests with that ::cough, cough:: auburn hair.
4- I'm going to wear my Pimp Faux-lex Watch.
a) The story behind this watch is that a certain relative of TFBIM went out one day and bought himself a diamond-encrusted Rolex for $6K. While $6K isn't a whole bloody lot to pay for a collectible watch--the "Paul Newman" Rolex Oyster Daytona Cosmograph usually goes for $60K--it struck me as a lot of coin to look like someone in P. Diddy's entourage or a member of teh roadcompany of The Sopranos. I then asked my BiL to grab me a replica thereof next time he went to Hong Kong. Which he did. The real and fake are identical. Only mine cost $20.
5- I'm going to wear a "guayabera."
a) Normally, I wouldn't wear a guayabera to a dogfight.
b) Here in SoFla--in some quarters--a long sleeved, cufflinked guayabera is considered equivalent to a dark suit. So a lot of events end up looking like the opening session of the Philippines' parliament.
The guayabera is iffy though, as I'd have to borrow one, to say nothing of TFBIM shooting me while I showered. In that case, I'll wear a bow tie which is my default "protest apparel."
Although the bride is someone for whom I don't particularly have any feelings, I do not wish her ill. In fact, I wish this marriage, like all her subsequent marriages, is a happy one.
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