How your 8 year-old scares the snot outa you
Last night, Numbah One Son tells me he's starting his Christmas List. Fine. And he starts reading out loud as he writes. Distracting, but...whatever. Until he says something that froze my blood. Now, if'n I were a progressive parent--and it is manifest I am not--my blood would be frozen by a number of things he could have said: GI Joe, Guns, Snail darter barbecuing kit, build-your-own compound kit, etc.
Me: What did you say?
NOS: Huh?
Me: I said "What did you say?"
NOS: I said I wanted a black hoe for Christmas.
Me (sweating like OJ Simpson under oath): How, um, how do you know about that?
NOS: Steve's brother had a tape of black hoes and stuff and we watched it.
Me: He...what?
NOS: Yeah. It was all these guys doing stuff with black hoes and stuff.
Me: And now you want...
NOS: Yeah, a black hoe. Daddy what kind should I get?
Me: I don't know if this is an appropriate thing...
NOS (getting whiny and pouty): I don't want one of the BIG FAT ones! I just want the kind you can lift and carry and let your friends play with!!
Me: That's not the point.
NOS: They aren't expensive!
Me: That's not the point, either.
NOS (Getting really whiny, and on the verge of tears): But everyone has a black hoe! [he runs]
Look! This the one I want! [waves magazine* at my scandalized face]
Me: Um, son, that's called a BACK hoe.
-J.
* Catalog for Tonka toys. He wants the RC bulldozer/back hoe set.
Me: What did you say?
NOS: Huh?
Me: I said "What did you say?"
NOS: I said I wanted a black hoe for Christmas.
Me (sweating like OJ Simpson under oath): How, um, how do you know about that?
NOS: Steve's brother had a tape of black hoes and stuff and we watched it.
Me: He...what?
NOS: Yeah. It was all these guys doing stuff with black hoes and stuff.
Me: And now you want...
NOS: Yeah, a black hoe. Daddy what kind should I get?
Me: I don't know if this is an appropriate thing...
NOS (getting whiny and pouty): I don't want one of the BIG FAT ones! I just want the kind you can lift and carry and let your friends play with!!
Me: That's not the point.
NOS: They aren't expensive!
Me: That's not the point, either.
NOS (Getting really whiny, and on the verge of tears): But everyone has a black hoe! [he runs]
Look! This the one I want! [waves magazine* at my scandalized face]
Me: Um, son, that's called a BACK hoe.
-J.
* Catalog for Tonka toys. He wants the RC bulldozer/back hoe set.
Comments
i'd say, given what you thought, that you handled that with much aplomb.
i'm still laughing hysterically.
This is because we both have kids who _think_ they can talk, but can't.
--P.
Thank you, I really needed to laugh...I actully have tears in my eyes.
I knew that you'd see this one coming. You have that knack.
Gina,
Are you kidding? I'm gonna spring it on people at the rehearsal dinner.
-Joke
It wasn't so much aplomb as raw shock.
-Joke
A black hoe may still be in his future.
It's good he's seen the videos too.