How Things Work...(New in a series)
My pal Badger has just had a harrowing experience involving misbehavior at 4-way stop signs. The problem with the 4-way stop signs is that diferent parts of the country have different rules.
In the suburb of Miami* where I live, f'rinstance, the most expensive car goes first. Many people in minivans have had to wait until another minivan shows up if they have been unfortunate to stumble in the path of people exiting the Bentley Club meeting. In Washington DC, however the rule is the largest caliber handgun** goes first. In LA the protocol is that greatest amount of silicone/collagen goes first. In Boston, I have noticed, people move out from 4-way stop signs according to who has more points on their driver's license. In Vermont people proceed according to their history of civil upheaval, with people who were beat up by Hell's Angels at Altamont yielding to, say, people arrested for reading Beat Poetry in public during the Eisenhower years, but moving off before people who went "Clean For Gene" in 1968.
Perhaps in Austin things proceed on the "who is Indier?" rule. If someone has a lot of those "Anarchy" or "Question Authority" bumper*** stickers, perhaps they feel entitled to deny Our Miss Badger her right of way. If that is the case, then it seems plausible Badger might get relief by affixing a sticker reading "Move the fuck OVER! I'm fucking HOLDING WATER!" or "I'm in a rush to eat my weight in salt!" or something of a similar nature, provided it described, in brief the general effects of PMS on the driver and the dangers this poses to the rest of the traffic.
So, as you see it's all very complex.
-J.
* Miami is a bit special, however, since people here drive according to the laws of their country of origin.
** Which is quite humorous considering Washington DC has banned handguns. Some people can't be bothered to read the newspaper, it seems.
*** Actual bumpers are not strictly necessary among this segment of society.
In the suburb of Miami* where I live, f'rinstance, the most expensive car goes first. Many people in minivans have had to wait until another minivan shows up if they have been unfortunate to stumble in the path of people exiting the Bentley Club meeting. In Washington DC, however the rule is the largest caliber handgun** goes first. In LA the protocol is that greatest amount of silicone/collagen goes first. In Boston, I have noticed, people move out from 4-way stop signs according to who has more points on their driver's license. In Vermont people proceed according to their history of civil upheaval, with people who were beat up by Hell's Angels at Altamont yielding to, say, people arrested for reading Beat Poetry in public during the Eisenhower years, but moving off before people who went "Clean For Gene" in 1968.
Perhaps in Austin things proceed on the "who is Indier?" rule. If someone has a lot of those "Anarchy" or "Question Authority" bumper*** stickers, perhaps they feel entitled to deny Our Miss Badger her right of way. If that is the case, then it seems plausible Badger might get relief by affixing a sticker reading "Move the fuck OVER! I'm fucking HOLDING WATER!" or "I'm in a rush to eat my weight in salt!" or something of a similar nature, provided it described, in brief the general effects of PMS on the driver and the dangers this poses to the rest of the traffic.
So, as you see it's all very complex.
-J.
* Miami is a bit special, however, since people here drive according to the laws of their country of origin.
** Which is quite humorous considering Washington DC has banned handguns. Some people can't be bothered to read the newspaper, it seems.
*** Actual bumpers are not strictly necessary among this segment of society.
Comments
Maybe I just need to get that bumper sticker that says, "I have PMS and a gun ... any questions?"
The thing of it is--and I say this in no way decrying and/or deriding you incredible successes in Inie-tivity--the fact you're at the helm of a minivan camouflages all of the amazing Indie-ousness you have carefully cultivated lo these many years. That is to say, while it is all well and good that you are Indie As Folk, it does you no good at all if your 4-way stop signmates cannot readily determine what an amazingly beacon of Indie-ness you are.