The Porno Grill (A Love Story)

For those among you who are maladjusted I have a Porno Grill.


Mine has the simpler left-center-right 3-burner setup with the optional side burner for sauteeing or boiling, etc., neither of which is shown in the photo from the website whence teh grill came.

The porno grill has served me well for the last not-quite-two years. One of the advantages of being me is that I learned how to transpose my obsessive, fanatical care & maintenance from, say, cars or home theatre to, for example, furniture or porno grills.

So the porno grill gets cleaned with Griot's stainless cleaner and the cast iron burners get rubbed with a mixture of lecithin and canola. And then JoeFest rolls around and I am able to--quite easily--feed the crowd of revelers. Not like grabbing a few loaves and fishes and giving a nosh to 5,000 (plus wives and kids), but still, not bad.

The downside to being me is that there is always room for improvement in everything I see. The porno grill could use a warming rack to bring the cooking surface from 600 sq. in. to almost 1000 sq. in. and also to move foods that have already been seared off to a less intense heat where they may continue cooking at a more relaxed pace.

It goes without saying that, living in a place blessedly free of winter, it's pretty much grilling season the whole year through. One could even do so in a monsoon or hurricane, although the griller would suffer worse than the grill. A lot of cultures get mish-mashed in SoFla and almost all of them are pretty grill-intensive. Brazilians argue with Nicaraguans about the best way to grill churrasco* and Argentines argue with both. Old-time Floridians arge with recently arrived Cubans about slow-roasting pork. Jamaicans and Haitians debate the merits of jerk vs. boucane** and that doesn't even get into the matter or sauces or vegetables.

Add to the mix the grilling styles of Europe and Asia, and you can see the allure of it all.

But what REALLY want is to convert the grill to run on natural gas (to which we'll convert our kitchen when it gets redone later this year) and then replace the side burner with a wok burner, upping the relatively sedate 12K BTU output to a that's-more-like-it 50K BTU jet-engine.

But first, I gotta find that damned warming rack.

-Joke

* A large steak
** Pretty much the same thing, for our purposes.

Comments

Badger said…
Is it complicated to convert a porn grill to natural gas? Or do they sell porn grills that run on it already? Because we already have natural gas in the house and when we build our outdoor kitchen thingie, which we haven't yet, that's what we want. I'm envisioning a built-in grill with ceramic tile countertops and whatnot, but we're still tweaking.
Joke said…
Badge,

It's not WILDLY complicated. There's a lot of that measure-twice-cut-once thing. The Rosetta Stone for your Dr. Renee Richards Grill Gambit is:

http://www.komar.org/bbq/mm/convert/

The only bit of advice I have is to purchase new parts to modify fr the conversion, so if you need warranty service, you can reconfigure your grill to original specs. (Conversion WILL void your warranty.)

Lastly, there are SOME grills that are sold specifically to run on natural gas, but these may not have the feature set you're hoping for, etc. and conversion may be your only choice.

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