Things without which you oughtn't live. Pt. 3
Don't touch that dial...This may seem like it's another tedious ramble about beautiful, rare, vintage Italian sports cars. But it's not.
Sure, it began--as almost all does with me these days--with a beautiful, rare, vintage Italian sports car. In this case, we're talking about Car #1 and the things that are needed to bring it up to better-than-new condition. One of those things which need a slight bit of attention is the leather upholstery.
Once the leather and its original owner part company, it begins to deteriorate. The tanning process forestalls that to a great degree, but it's still riding the Entropy Express. Eventually the stresses of environmental and human (and canine and...) contact will get any leather to crack, harden, flake, split and otherwise get ruined. This applies especially to furniture and shoes, etc.
The best thing you can do is prevent this and the best way to prevent this is using Leatherique. Mind you, their website looks as if it was designed by a particularly talented 3rd grader back in 1998 and their spelling is abysmal. But this stuff is, frankly, amazing. No, scratch that. Miraculous. If this stuff had been around 2000 years ago, everyone would have had a tough time believing they weren't the ones responsible for Lazarus snapping-to.
This is what I did. I took out my car (the one with the still-okay leather) in the hot SoFla sun, as per instructions and smeared it with Rejuvinator (sic) Oil. They say to do this by hand, but I used a special detailing sponge (Saving $3 is not worth the risk of absorbing some bizarro chemical through my skin). Coat the leather VERY well. Leave it where the leather will get very warm (for you Tropically Impaired readers, you can put the shoes, etc. next to the source of heat in the winter) for about a day. When you return, the surface will be covered in a grey/grit/slime/mold layer. Yes, utterly, inexpressively gross. You then use Prestine (sic) Clean to wipe this crud off. The crud is all the stuff the leather has absorbed thoughout its stint as a seat, shoe, or pocketbook. The Oil forces itself into the leather fibers and, with the heat of the warm room (or car cabin) expands, pushing all this vile, repulsive shit back out through the pores of the leather. Your leather will be NEW. It will be supple, soft, gloriously smooth and have that fresh scent that transports you back to the Church's store in London.
This is the stuff that people use to rejuvenate leather for Pebble Beach, Greenwich, etc. Look at it another way...if this is good enough for a $27,000,000 1934 Ferrari* Alfa Romeo 8C 2300 Monza, it surely is good enough for your piddly $15K Birkin.
You need this.
-Joke
* Mr. Ferrari was an employee of Mr. Romeo. He left in a huff and thus escaped being nationalized by Mussolini.
Sure, it began--as almost all does with me these days--with a beautiful, rare, vintage Italian sports car. In this case, we're talking about Car #1 and the things that are needed to bring it up to better-than-new condition. One of those things which need a slight bit of attention is the leather upholstery.
Once the leather and its original owner part company, it begins to deteriorate. The tanning process forestalls that to a great degree, but it's still riding the Entropy Express. Eventually the stresses of environmental and human (and canine and...) contact will get any leather to crack, harden, flake, split and otherwise get ruined. This applies especially to furniture and shoes, etc.
The best thing you can do is prevent this and the best way to prevent this is using Leatherique. Mind you, their website looks as if it was designed by a particularly talented 3rd grader back in 1998 and their spelling is abysmal. But this stuff is, frankly, amazing. No, scratch that. Miraculous. If this stuff had been around 2000 years ago, everyone would have had a tough time believing they weren't the ones responsible for Lazarus snapping-to.
This is what I did. I took out my car (the one with the still-okay leather) in the hot SoFla sun, as per instructions and smeared it with Rejuvinator (sic) Oil. They say to do this by hand, but I used a special detailing sponge (Saving $3 is not worth the risk of absorbing some bizarro chemical through my skin). Coat the leather VERY well. Leave it where the leather will get very warm (for you Tropically Impaired readers, you can put the shoes, etc. next to the source of heat in the winter) for about a day. When you return, the surface will be covered in a grey/grit/slime/mold layer. Yes, utterly, inexpressively gross. You then use Prestine (sic) Clean to wipe this crud off. The crud is all the stuff the leather has absorbed thoughout its stint as a seat, shoe, or pocketbook. The Oil forces itself into the leather fibers and, with the heat of the warm room (or car cabin) expands, pushing all this vile, repulsive shit back out through the pores of the leather. Your leather will be NEW. It will be supple, soft, gloriously smooth and have that fresh scent that transports you back to the Church's store in London.
This is the stuff that people use to rejuvenate leather for Pebble Beach, Greenwich, etc. Look at it another way...if this is good enough for a $27,000,000 1934 Ferrari* Alfa Romeo 8C 2300 Monza, it surely is good enough for your piddly $15K Birkin.
You need this.
-Joke
* Mr. Ferrari was an employee of Mr. Romeo. He left in a huff and thus escaped being nationalized by Mussolini.
Comments
Your idea is, IN CONCEPT, very sound. However, I doubt these "Scrabble Wet Dream" ingredients would be the thing to smear on your face.