Tag, I'm it

Seven Things I Plan to do Before I Die
1. Drive the Mille Miglia
2. Become the arbiter of society
3. Become a pilot
4. Start the must-attend charitable event on the calendar
5. Publish
6. Get to even par
7. See my abdominals once more

Seven Things I Can Do
1. Get from Point A to Point B much faster than anyone could have dared to hope
2. Keep my mouth shut
3. Explain myself to people in calm, reasoned tones, using ample evidence and easy-to-follow logic when I really just want to scream and call them sniveling fucktards
4. Cook
5. Keep on keeping on
6. Avoid reading things which I find stupid
7. Write

Seven Things I Cannot Do
1. Keep my blood pressure down as I keep my mouth shut
2. Keep my blood pressure down as I explain myself to people in calm, reasoned tones, using ample evidence and easy-to-follow logic when I really just want to scream and call them sniveling fucktards
3. Leave an email or a letter unanswered
4. Let someone else have the last word
5. Avoid reading things which I find infuriating
6. Understand why people aren't horrified by cold winters
7. Overcome my rampant feelings of superiority

Seven Things that Attract Me to the Opposite Sex
1. Brains
2. Wit
3. Elegance
4. Erudition
5. Legginess
6. Silky, shiny hair
7. Naughtiness which would stun a rhino

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1. "I SAID time for dinner!"
2. "I can't find my ... "
3. "This is NOT that complicated"
4. "Welcome to MY world."
5. "But then again, nobody listens to me."
6. "Freddled gruntbuggly"
7. "Words mean things."

Seven Celebrity Crushes
1. Bonnie Hunt
2. Giada di Laurentiis
3. Ginger Rogers
4. Bridget Fonda
5. Julia Ormond
6. Rachael Harris
7. Wendie Malick

I hereby tag any and all readers who have gone here and done something useful for humanity.

-Joke

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