So this is Hell.
I swiped this from Poppy who pilfered it from Badger. We'll discuss Purgatory at a later date.
Drinks in my Hell:
Ginger ale
Root Beer
Diet Coke
Pepsi
regular Pepsi
those weirdass artisanal sodas
Food in my Hell:
bell peppers
margarine
liver
Oreos
casseroles made with canned stuff
baked beans
nitrites, nitrates, guar gum
Occupations in my Hell:
sales
customer service representative
concierge
elevator music DJ
Polyester tester
Music in my Hell:
Barbra Streisand
Chicago
Celine Dion
Anything atonal
Mariah Carey
Schoenberg
Folk music
Barry Manilow
Hip hop and, of course...
DISCO
President in my Hell:
Hillary Clinton, maybe Howard Dean, or that sniveling cretin they have in Spain now.
Authors in my Hell:
Dan Brown*, John Shelby Spong**, whoever wrote Scarlett, Jackie Collins, Naomi Wolf. [Added due to Poppy's reminder] Hans Kung.
Wives in my Hell:
Hillary Clinton, Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon, Cybill Shepherd...the Four Harridans of the Apocalypse
Only activities allowed in my Hell:
undergoing THAT male-only exam (see Fletch for more information)
watching HGTV
listening to Janeane Garofalo
watching original series on the Disney Channel
listening to Radio Disney
renewing my driver's license
going to the dentist
driving at or under the speed limit
reading the NY Times or Washington Post
sending blood money to the Infernal*** Revenue Service...wait, I do that now.
[Added in honor of SL & BabBab & Gina] Purchasing alcohol at a state-run liquor store. (I mean, really, if that doesn't drive people to the Libertarian Party in screaming hordes, we have truly lost our way as a civilization.
-J.
* I have a hunch he won't just be in "my" Hell.
** Ditto, except he has a funny name
*** I slay myself, really
Drinks in my Hell:
Ginger ale
Root Beer
Diet Coke
Pepsi
regular Pepsi
those weirdass artisanal sodas
Food in my Hell:
bell peppers
margarine
liver
Oreos
casseroles made with canned stuff
baked beans
nitrites, nitrates, guar gum
Occupations in my Hell:
sales
customer service representative
concierge
elevator music DJ
Polyester tester
Music in my Hell:
Barbra Streisand
Chicago
Celine Dion
Anything atonal
Mariah Carey
Schoenberg
Folk music
Barry Manilow
Hip hop and, of course...
DISCO
President in my Hell:
Hillary Clinton, maybe Howard Dean, or that sniveling cretin they have in Spain now.
Authors in my Hell:
Dan Brown*, John Shelby Spong**, whoever wrote Scarlett, Jackie Collins, Naomi Wolf. [Added due to Poppy's reminder] Hans Kung.
Wives in my Hell:
Hillary Clinton, Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon, Cybill Shepherd...the Four Harridans of the Apocalypse
Only activities allowed in my Hell:
undergoing THAT male-only exam (see Fletch for more information)
watching HGTV
listening to Janeane Garofalo
watching original series on the Disney Channel
listening to Radio Disney
renewing my driver's license
going to the dentist
driving at or under the speed limit
reading the NY Times or Washington Post
sending blood money to the Infernal*** Revenue Service...wait, I do that now.
[Added in honor of SL & BabBab & Gina] Purchasing alcohol at a state-run liquor store. (I mean, really, if that doesn't drive people to the Libertarian Party in screaming hordes, we have truly lost our way as a civilization.
-J.
* I have a hunch he won't just be in "my" Hell.
** Ditto, except he has a funny name
*** I slay myself, really
Comments
But OREOS?
Come on now.
really?
oreos are in MY heaven.
The result has been worldwide terrorism and guerrilla warfare.
-J.
Do you remember when Pepperidge Farm had their version of an Oreo--except much thicker? That cookie, except made with no trans fats--would be Heaven.
And thanks about J. S. Spong, but why not add Hans Kung?
In fact, I am giggling stupidly at the singsong glory that is saying "Spong Kung" aloud.
Sounds like an Asian porn film.
-J.
It's a good thing I like you.
and what is wrong with the two best newspapers in the world, the WP and the NYT? I suppose you prefer the Miami Herald?
In my heaven, I would have all three items delivered to my door, daily.
Oreos are too sweet.
I don't have enough bandwidth to explain my distate for the NYT and WP. Suffice it to say it runs deep.
Oh, and the greatest newspaper in the planet is the WSJ.
-J.
;-)
-J.