What I Did On My Summer Vacation (2006), Part 1
On our first day, SoCal was Hellishly hot. We had landed at 9something a.m. Pacific Time, and after an early lunch (11am PT, but our tummies--still on ET--said it was 2pm) we STUPIDLY decided to go to Knott's Berry Farm.
It's one thing to fritter away $100. It's another to fritter away $100 for the express purposes of being @#$%ing miserable. At Knott's Berry Farm there is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING WHATSOEVER that is air-conditioned. Which is fine when all is 80F with no humidity, but less than fine when it's 108F with no humidity. There was/is no-@#$%ing-where to hide. All the rides are outdoor rides, all the queues are outdoors and when outdoors there is ZERO shade...the few shows that were inside were like ovens.
Poppette would have not only died, she would have taken the whole Poppy clan, and several innocent passersby, with her. We arrived at 1:30pm, and were out the door by 4pm. Mind you, Knott's Berry Farm is really not our cuppa, even sans heat. Most of the rides are rollercoasters and while, in principle, rollecoasters are , y'know, a'ight, we really need something more visually arresting to keep us interested and the kiddie rides at Camp Snoppy weren't it.
Disneyland was a contrast. Rides had queues--not that we had to endure many, those being reserved for the peasantry--in the shade and everything had its thermostat set for 60F. Which brings us to an observation. WDW is best known for its morbidly obese clientele (Seriously, if you consider yourself heavy, a few days here will do marvels for your self-worth.) but DL has suddenly become the single greatest festival of tattooed humans I have ever beheld. Which brings us to a problem. At some point in a tattooed human's life the tattoo ceases to be attractive. There's no getting around this fact. The skin upon which the tattoo rests is no longer all supple and eventually the tattoo looks like an artistic bruise. One has to see the bitter reality of an aging goth
...pause while the above sinks in...
to realize that being 50+ and tattooed and multi-pierced is not a good look to carry into the autumn of your years. Your hotness factor will actually decrease. But nobody has gotten the memo.
California is interesting (much like NYC is interesting) in that it feels like an alien land. When you (OK, when I go) to, say, Boston, Chicago, Phoenix or Dallas, it just feels like a different part of the USA. When you go to California (or, to be fair, its polar opposite, NYC) you get that "stranger in a strange land" thing. People are more likely to name their child Dakota in California than they are in Boston. Also, one is more likely to meet goths (including, sadly, the aforementioned aged ones) in California. Gasoline is also 30 cents more expensive. Because there are so many people in California, it can support large businesses on its own, so instead of seeing an ocean of Burger World outlets, you see Jack In The Box and Carl's Jr. This helps give the landscape that we're-not-in-Kansas-anymore vibe. The freeways are also weird because they have stoplights at the onramps...yeah, me either. The "This Is The Center of the Known Universe" attitude of the locals is comparable only to that of New Yorkers. But we love SoCal and that's why we make annual pilgrimages thereto.
We've loved DL since the first time we went with Poppy & Co. back in--OMG, was it that long ago?--2002. It still has a lot of that 1950s feel and for the 50th anniversary, they have little plaques up on certain attractions (Jungle Cruise, Castle, Mark Twain steamboat, etc.) indicating they are original. The folks there pride themselves on this being the Disney theme park "that Walt built."
These days they have two parks, the Magic Kingdom/Disneyland and California Adventure. The latter has a lot of coolness to it, especially food-wise. One of the attractions is a fully-functioning winery (VERRRRRRRRY small scale, though!) with a great restaurant on the top floor and a great trattoria on the bottom floor.
One of the best things on days when the temperatures hit the 100s is Grizzly River Run, which
is basically a splashabout ride aboard fancy inner tubes. You get taken up to the top of Grizzly Peak and cascade down. You will get wet and there is a better than even shot you'll be absolutely drenched. When it's 102F/41C, soaked is a good thing.
They also have some clunkers, including a [eyeroll]Whoopi Goldberg[/eyeroll] presentation in the history of California called Golden Dreams. The name is apt, because it's one of those attractions that lets you get a 22 minute power nap, being situated in my favorite part of the park, Air Conditioned Land. Right next to this park is the Grand Californian hotel, which is a neat place if'n you like that Bungalow/Arts & Crafts/Mission thing. This is DL's top-shelf hotel. The restaurants, Napa Rose and Storyteller's, are excellent. The latter is woefully underrated. I had the most amazing lobster corn chowder there...it was so good I practically had to sprint to a confessional.
Back at Magic Kingdom (Disneyland proper)
our favorite nook is just off Fantasyland...Toontown. Built in the wake of the success of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? it has a lot of play areas and it's vital to have the lads burn off excess energy. Almost everything makes a silly noise.
We're still dealing with small-scale jet lag, which is harder to shake off by virtue of being milder. Now, after I get done sorting the albums (alba?) of photos, I'll post again.
-J.
It's one thing to fritter away $100. It's another to fritter away $100 for the express purposes of being @#$%ing miserable. At Knott's Berry Farm there is NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING WHATSOEVER that is air-conditioned. Which is fine when all is 80F with no humidity, but less than fine when it's 108F with no humidity. There was/is no-@#$%ing-where to hide. All the rides are outdoor rides, all the queues are outdoors and when outdoors there is ZERO shade...the few shows that were inside were like ovens.
Poppette would have not only died, she would have taken the whole Poppy clan, and several innocent passersby, with her. We arrived at 1:30pm, and were out the door by 4pm. Mind you, Knott's Berry Farm is really not our cuppa, even sans heat. Most of the rides are rollercoasters and while, in principle, rollecoasters are , y'know, a'ight, we really need something more visually arresting to keep us interested and the kiddie rides at Camp Snoppy weren't it.
Disneyland was a contrast. Rides had queues--not that we had to endure many, those being reserved for the peasantry--in the shade and everything had its thermostat set for 60F. Which brings us to an observation. WDW is best known for its morbidly obese clientele (Seriously, if you consider yourself heavy, a few days here will do marvels for your self-worth.) but DL has suddenly become the single greatest festival of tattooed humans I have ever beheld. Which brings us to a problem. At some point in a tattooed human's life the tattoo ceases to be attractive. There's no getting around this fact. The skin upon which the tattoo rests is no longer all supple and eventually the tattoo looks like an artistic bruise. One has to see the bitter reality of an aging goth
...pause while the above sinks in...
to realize that being 50+ and tattooed and multi-pierced is not a good look to carry into the autumn of your years. Your hotness factor will actually decrease. But nobody has gotten the memo.
California is interesting (much like NYC is interesting) in that it feels like an alien land. When you (OK, when I go) to, say, Boston, Chicago, Phoenix or Dallas, it just feels like a different part of the USA. When you go to California (or, to be fair, its polar opposite, NYC) you get that "stranger in a strange land" thing. People are more likely to name their child Dakota in California than they are in Boston. Also, one is more likely to meet goths (including, sadly, the aforementioned aged ones) in California. Gasoline is also 30 cents more expensive. Because there are so many people in California, it can support large businesses on its own, so instead of seeing an ocean of Burger World outlets, you see Jack In The Box and Carl's Jr. This helps give the landscape that we're-not-in-Kansas-anymore vibe. The freeways are also weird because they have stoplights at the onramps...yeah, me either. The "This Is The Center of the Known Universe" attitude of the locals is comparable only to that of New Yorkers. But we love SoCal and that's why we make annual pilgrimages thereto.
We've loved DL since the first time we went with Poppy & Co. back in--OMG, was it that long ago?--2002. It still has a lot of that 1950s feel and for the 50th anniversary, they have little plaques up on certain attractions (Jungle Cruise, Castle, Mark Twain steamboat, etc.) indicating they are original. The folks there pride themselves on this being the Disney theme park "that Walt built."
These days they have two parks, the Magic Kingdom/Disneyland and California Adventure. The latter has a lot of coolness to it, especially food-wise. One of the attractions is a fully-functioning winery (VERRRRRRRRY small scale, though!) with a great restaurant on the top floor and a great trattoria on the bottom floor.
One of the best things on days when the temperatures hit the 100s is Grizzly River Run, which
is basically a splashabout ride aboard fancy inner tubes. You get taken up to the top of Grizzly Peak and cascade down. You will get wet and there is a better than even shot you'll be absolutely drenched. When it's 102F/41C, soaked is a good thing.They also have some clunkers, including a [eyeroll]Whoopi Goldberg[/eyeroll] presentation in the history of California called Golden Dreams. The name is apt, because it's one of those attractions that lets you get a 22 minute power nap, being situated in my favorite part of the park, Air Conditioned Land. Right next to this park is the Grand Californian hotel, which is a neat place if'n you like that Bungalow/Arts & Crafts/Mission thing. This is DL's top-shelf hotel. The restaurants, Napa Rose and Storyteller's, are excellent. The latter is woefully underrated. I had the most amazing lobster corn chowder there...it was so good I practically had to sprint to a confessional.
Back at Magic Kingdom (Disneyland proper)
our favorite nook is just off Fantasyland...Toontown. Built in the wake of the success of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? it has a lot of play areas and it's vital to have the lads burn off excess energy. Almost everything makes a silly noise.We're still dealing with small-scale jet lag, which is harder to shake off by virtue of being milder. Now, after I get done sorting the albums (alba?) of photos, I'll post again.
-J.
Comments
Glad you made it back from the Land Which Weareth Its Own Piercings Proudly - even those past sell-by date.
Worth the wait to hear of it, as usual.
And yes; the boys are bee-u-tee-ful. Of course.
Oh, except we NEVER have 0% humidity.
The weather isn't so bad now if you want to come back. :)
You mean CA isn't the center of the world?
It's more of a statement to NOT get a tatoo or piercing nowadays.