As previously shown and told.

Me? I'm ahead of the curve. I did the coffee machine thing a while back. But I realize that in my rapturous prose over the glories of espresso, I failed to sufficiently detail my distaste for regular coffee.

Regular coffee has two insurmountable flaws: Pale roasted beans and a surfeit of water. In my house, we have a code name for regular water, but I don't use said code in the presence of small children or ladies, owing to the rather vulgar terminology involved. But, rest assured, it's quite accurate.

Every once in a while my wife will down a cup (brewed strong, splash of light cream, 2 sugars) but I can only choke the stuff down out of politeness. I find it so weak-kneed, pallid, insipid and just plain @#$%ing watery that it's barely drinkable in my book. Frankly, I cannot recall the last time I had a regular cup of java. It must be 7-8 years since a cup managed to go past my tonsils. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it.

Regular coffee is to me what gin is to Badger.

-J.

Comments

blackbird said…
uuuuh.
I've got nothin.

I drink gin.
Sarah Louise said…
I've been known to drink drip coffee and gin (not together, of course..)
Joe said…
I drink gin as well, but just try and get Badger to sling some across her tastebuds...

-J.
Badger said…
NEVER going to happen, my friend. Nor coffee neither.
MsCellania said…
Er - Is this the infamous W.C. Field's saying? Of what Fish Do in Water?

I drink strong, hot, cream saturated coffee. I used to drink strong, cold, olive saturated gin.

Have you seen that Miele in-cabinet coffee center? That has a CUP WARMER? My parents went to a Miele demo dinner last night, and were wined and dined and coffeed with All Miele, All the Time. They have begged me to keep dh in the dark about this appliance. I think it's merely okay, but have never seen one in action.
Poppy B. said…
I feel about espresso the way Joke feels about regular coffee. I don't understand why you espresso fans don't just carve out a line of ground coffee and snort it.
Joke said…
Seeing as how Nature failed to endow me with tastebuds in my nose, I drink espresso as opposed to coffee-flavored water.

Literally shuddering,

-J.
MsCellania said…
Persnickity about our addictions, aren't we?
Joke said…
You.have.no.@#$%ing.idea.

-J.
--erica said…
"pale roasted beans"? You really need to be roasting your own!
Joke said…
1- I can't find that popcorn popper!

2- Even if I did, drip coffee is 99.99999% WATER!

-J.

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