I'm-a-tell-ya a story.

Every once in a while, usually when I am recounting my tales of adventure as a SAHD/househusband/part-time single dad, some kind soul writes and tells me how lucky my wife is.

This is the part where the grass looks a Hell of a lot greener on the other side.

Poppy will readily attest to this, having seen a) the sort of aberrant weirdo I am, and b) that my wife puts up with all that entails.

Snippets of a marriage:

1- I spend three days and a a cubic @$$load of money setting up a home theatre in our then-new home. Big Honkin' Widescreen HDTV, surround sound gear, furniture arranged just so. MONTHS of research into the TV, amplifiers, preamplifiers, speakers, subwoofer, DVD player, LD player...so I can play silent B&W Buster Keaton films.

2- When we were getting married I insisted on going along for the bridal registry thing. Except for the crystal stemware, I won or extracted a compromise on EVERYTHING. The everyday china, the everyday flatware, the fine china, the sterling, the everyday glassware, the small appliances, the bedding...they all bear my imprint.

3- Being asked (about a hairstyle, a dress, etc.) is an invitation to an honest opinion, often with some wiseass remark.

"What do you think of these shoes?"
"It looks like you had the power to go back all along."

"How about this color for the family room?"
"What is the name of that color? Socialist Day Care Yellow?"

"What's wrong with this dress?"
"It looks like Jacques and Gus-Gus were blindfolded when they sewed it."

And on it goes.

4- I have an opinion on EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. Fed policy, milk quality, proper shirtings for civilized gentlemen, film, restaurants, the proper way to make lemonade, chocolate, timepieces. You name it. I am insufferable.

5- I'm not so much a Mr. Fix It-type.

6- I'm always reading. Or writing.

7- I have zero TV programs in common with TFBIM (I watch Food Network and 24, when I remember.)

8- C'mon, you've seen hunks from my MP3 list. My wife tastes in popular music dovetail Poppy's.

9- I make accurately snarky remarks about her friends.

"Mildred looks like Larry. From the 3 Stooges. With a hangover."

10- I've bought major pieces of furniture without consulting with her.

So, hold off the canonization. Mine, anyway.

-J.

Comments

Gina said…
Ah, the humility is refreshing, Joke. But the fact remains that while you may indeed lean a little to the wise-ass side of the spectrum, you love your wife and kids and seem to try and do your best to make sure they know it.

And you can pay someone to fix things, but you can't really pay someone to sit around and amuse you with his admitted weirdness and opinions (at least not without feeling a little seedy).

So shut up and bask in the praise, man. Bask!
--erica said…
You opinionated? I never would have guessed!
Joke said…
Erica,

It's not that I am opinionated, but, rather, that I am relentlessly opinionated. Always and everywhere.

Still, it keeps me amused.

-J., basker
Sarah Louise said…
so what is your opinion on milk quality, Mr. J?
Badger said…
Oh my GOD. Do NOT get him started on milk. That way lies madness.
Joke said…
SL,

In the interest of sparing Badger's sanity, I'll be brief:

http://tinyurl.com/a2p6s

-J.
--erica said…
Sarah..you just had to know huh?

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