Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I'm-a-tell-ya a story.

Every once in a while, usually when I am recounting my tales of adventure as a SAHD/househusband/part-time single dad, some kind soul writes and tells me how lucky my wife is.

This is the part where the grass looks a Hell of a lot greener on the other side.

Poppy will readily attest to this, having seen a) the sort of aberrant weirdo I am, and b) that my wife puts up with all that entails.

Snippets of a marriage:

1- I spend three days and a a cubic @$$load of money setting up a home theatre in our then-new home. Big Honkin' Widescreen HDTV, surround sound gear, furniture arranged just so. MONTHS of research into the TV, amplifiers, preamplifiers, speakers, subwoofer, DVD player, LD player...so I can play silent B&W Buster Keaton films.

2- When we were getting married I insisted on going along for the bridal registry thing. Except for the crystal stemware, I won or extracted a compromise on EVERYTHING. The everyday china, the everyday flatware, the fine china, the sterling, the everyday glassware, the small appliances, the bedding...they all bear my imprint.

3- Being asked (about a hairstyle, a dress, etc.) is an invitation to an honest opinion, often with some wiseass remark.

"What do you think of these shoes?"
"It looks like you had the power to go back all along."

"How about this color for the family room?"
"What is the name of that color? Socialist Day Care Yellow?"

"What's wrong with this dress?"
"It looks like Jacques and Gus-Gus were blindfolded when they sewed it."

And on it goes.

4- I have an opinion on EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. Fed policy, milk quality, proper shirtings for civilized gentlemen, film, restaurants, the proper way to make lemonade, chocolate, timepieces. You name it. I am insufferable.

5- I'm not so much a Mr. Fix It-type.

6- I'm always reading. Or writing.

7- I have zero TV programs in common with TFBIM (I watch Food Network and 24, when I remember.)

8- C'mon, you've seen hunks from my MP3 list. My wife tastes in popular music dovetail Poppy's.

9- I make accurately snarky remarks about her friends.

"Mildred looks like Larry. From the 3 Stooges. With a hangover."

10- I've bought major pieces of furniture without consulting with her.

So, hold off the canonization. Mine, anyway.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 9:24 PM

8 Comments

  • Blogger Gina posted at 9:25 AM, February 02, 2006  
    Ah, the humility is refreshing, Joke. But the fact remains that while you may indeed lean a little to the wise-ass side of the spectrum, you love your wife and kids and seem to try and do your best to make sure they know it.

    And you can pay someone to fix things, but you can't really pay someone to sit around and amuse you with his admitted weirdness and opinions (at least not without feeling a little seedy).

    So shut up and bask in the praise, man. Bask!
  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 9:27 AM, February 02, 2006  
    LOL!
  • Blogger --erica posted at 10:36 AM, February 02, 2006  
    You opinionated? I never would have guessed!
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:45 AM, February 02, 2006  
    Erica,

    It's not that I am opinionated, but, rather, that I am relentlessly opinionated. Always and everywhere.

    Still, it keeps me amused.

    -J., basker
  • Blogger Sarah Louise posted at 2:16 PM, February 02, 2006  
    so what is your opinion on milk quality, Mr. J?
  • Blogger Badger posted at 2:21 PM, February 02, 2006  
    Oh my GOD. Do NOT get him started on milk. That way lies madness.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 3:03 PM, February 02, 2006  
    SL,

    In the interest of sparing Badger's sanity, I'll be brief:

    http://tinyurl.com/a2p6s

    -J.
  • Blogger --erica posted at 4:29 PM, February 02, 2006  
    Sarah..you just had to know huh?
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