Friday, February 03, 2006

Vermin-cide.

Dear Internet,

There IS a downside--besides the thirty year hurricane cycles--to living in the suburbs of Paradise.

Varmints.

These creatures find SoFla wa-a-a-ay too hospitable for my liking. As a consequence, the extermination industry does quite well here and houses are tented for termites about as often as Badger has to go to get that thing done to that part of her. Like every 3-5 years or so, basically.

I remember that Up Nawth, before I managed to escape, to have your house tented for termites was the deepest shame a homeowner could undergo. The house would be unsaleable unless the prospective buyer planned to raze it, burn its crops and and sell you (the homeowner) and your family into bitter slavery in Babylon or Carthage. But here it's as common as divorce and remarriage in Hollywood. In fact, it's assumed you have had your house treated this way and if you have NOT, your resale value is almost certain to take a hit.

But that's not what I came to tell you.

What I came to tell you what a colossal PITA this is. Basically, you have to flee like a refugee for two days. Luckily, my parents are away on a short vacation, and we can all kip there. But still, you have to pack clothes (no big), pack ALL your unsealed edibles/potables, ALL your medicines/soaps/creams/gels, ALL the open pills/capsules/medicines, etc. and schlep them somewhere while your house turns into the 9th Circle for termites, fire ants and assorted creepies and crawlies that like to set up shop somewhere safe during the 30 Year warming cycle that breeds all these hurricanes.

So, I'm not only a PT SAHD, I'm a refugee househusband.

-J.

Posted by Joke at 7:59 AM

9 Comments

  • Blogger Gina posted at 12:51 PM, February 03, 2006  
    I will never understand why people choose to live in places where you have to deal with bugs of this caliber, hurricanes, earthquakes, or any other natural disaster-type crap.

    Western PA isn't glam, but generally the worst that happens up here is a Snow Day or two in the winter and lots of hazy, hot and humid in the summer. The only chemicals we treat things with are rock salt and sunscreen.

    Isn't this a lost less inconvenient?
  • Blogger Joke posted at 4:26 PM, February 03, 2006  
    Rock salt eats Italian cars alive.

    Deal breaker.

    -J.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 4:37 PM, February 03, 2006  
    Okay again, central Texas? No termites, no hurricanes, no need for rock salt.

    We do, however, have all sorts of other varmints, many of which can kill you. It's a trade-off.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 4:38 PM, February 03, 2006  
    Big varmints eat Italian cars. Dealbreaker, also.

    -J.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 6:03 PM, February 03, 2006  
    They're not BIG, silly! Just highly poisonous. Different thing.

    Now, if you don't want to move to Texas because ... it's in TEXAS, that I can understand.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 6:07 PM, February 03, 2006  
    Poisonous enough to rust Italian cars?

    -J.
  • Blogger Badger posted at 9:26 PM, February 03, 2006  
    Dude. There is NO RUST in central Texas. None. I've never seen it on ANY car down here, unless said car had out of state plates.

    It's dry here, yo.
  • Blogger --erica posted at 12:44 PM, February 04, 2006  
    i'm thinking n. california.
    No hurricanes, tornadoes, poisionous anythings. No rock salt. Varmints? we don't have those either. :)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 2:15 PM, February 06, 2006  
    ...but do you have 93 octane?

    -J.
  • Post a Comment

    « Home