Friday, March 31, 2006

Sometimes Evil Buys A Minivan or "Passive Aggressive Love"

Assiduous readers of this august journal will recall several recent events:

1- That my spring project would yield something of a windfall in revenues,
2- That TFBIM immediately saw the black cloud in this silver lining,
3- That I tormented her natural sense of pessimism by threatening to buy a Ferrari

#3 is clearly an aggressive act; she has a quirk that renders her unable to enjoy good news worry-free and I'm just doing the margarita thing on the paper cut of her soul.

BUT...what if I accomplished the same thing without the veneer of selfishness? What if I bought something for her?
"Look honey, I bought you a new minivan."

-J., loving husband and father

Posted by Joke at 8:57 AM


  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 11:05 AM, March 31, 2006  
    I'd drive it in a heartbeat. But then, I love my Odyssey. I find people give minivans their due respect - you just never known when the person driving them is going to and drive with their body facing backwards from the waist up, giving the car free rein to drive where it wants to go. So, yeah; It's a Mercedes, so uptown; it's a minivan, so get-out-of-town.

    However, our rule is: Never Buy A First Production Automobile. Unless it tows its own back-up vehicle.

    But then I spose you're joking and there's really a Ferrari in her future.
  • Blogger perceptive reader posted at 11:09 AM, March 31, 2006  
    Look at the Lexus smaller SUV Ours, one year used and so a great buy, came fully loaded with video player and great headphones that have never been touched. The sound stystem is great.You'll probably never have problems with it. DH is the driver and I drive the sedan.
  • Blogger blackbird posted at 11:36 AM, March 31, 2006  
    my eyes!

    listen to vickee - this is NOT the way to go...based on the Chrysler Pacifica, this is just another example of Mercedes borrowing from their US side - and to no great advantage.

    it is, I suppose, good as a joke.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 11:45 AM, March 31, 2006  
    You guys are missing the point. It's not that it is good, it's that it's expensive (which is what sets off TFBIM's pessimism alarm) and, while we're at it, has a 503-horsepower V-8.

    The idea is to rattle the pessimism gauge without leaving fingerprints. :-)

  • Blogger Gina posted at 5:08 PM, March 31, 2006  
    You know what? Mercedes can take its mini-van and stick it where Porsche ought to be sticking its SUV-thing. Some things are just wrong. You know what's right? Volvo's SUV. That makes sense--it fits.

    Plus, wouldn't TFBYM rather have a weekend cottage or some new jewelry? Rattle that pessimism with something expensive that will appreciate in value!

    -Gina (who loves spending other peoples' windfalls)
  • Blogger Joke posted at 5:11 PM, March 31, 2006  

    That wouldn't be passive aggressive. She wouldn't fret about jewels.

  • Blogger MsCellania posted at 5:14 PM, March 31, 2006  
    Oh, dear. It simply Will Not Do. Too many horses, Little Lady.

    Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, needs to get to soccer practice that fast.
  • Blogger Joke posted at 5:20 PM, March 31, 2006  
    I'm waiting to see what BMW comes up's s'posed to be stick shift*.


    * At least in Europe, the lucky bastids.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 5:35 PM, March 31, 2006  
    Vickee is right--nobody needs to get to soccer practise that fast.

    I had a boy friend (not to be confused with boyfriend) in high school (late 80s) whose family had a Chrysler Voyager, and it had a stick shift. [This family filled with hairy, manly men wouldn't deign to drive anything with an automatic transmission.]

    I guess those aren't still available?
  • Blogger Joke posted at 5:38 PM, March 31, 2006  
    In this family nobody needs to get to soccer practice at all.

    However, we are a pack of speed demons. (I'll post one day about regularly driving from Georgetown U. to Miami in 13 hours.)

    And NOS is going to racing camp this summer.

  • Blogger Gina posted at 6:07 PM, March 31, 2006  
    Racing camp? Seriously? Do tell!
  • Blogger Joke posted at 6:23 PM, March 31, 2006  
    Yah huh!

    There's a place down heah called "The Racer's Country Club" and, basically, it's like every other Country Club you have ever seen EXCEPT that instead of a golf course, they have a race course and what they have is something called "shifter karts" which are basically miniaturized Formula 1 cars.

    Anyway, they have a summer camp, and NOS asked to go, because he is all about the cool sports cars like his dad.


    P.S. He also goes to golf camp. NTS just does the generic swim and play around camp.
  • Blogger Gina posted at 12:53 AM, April 01, 2006  
    Ted refuses to play golf for some reason, and it breaks his grandfather's heart. But racing camp? I think he'd be all over that. I think *I* might be all over that, now that I think about it. You get to pretend to be a professional driver on a closed course? Sign me up!
  • Blogger Joke posted at 6:52 AM, April 01, 2006  
    In case it wasn't manifestly obvious, we're a family We generally suck dead wombats at team sports and group things in general.

    By NOS's own admission the advantage of golf or racing over, say, soccer ::shudder:: or football is that if he wins he gets all the credit and when he loses he has nobody to blame but himself.

    These are the dangers you run when you are offsprung by a self-employed (ex)Libertarian.

    Don't get me started on group projects in school.

  • Blogger Badger posted at 12:08 PM, April 01, 2006  
    We are pretty much anti-team anything over heah, too, but I thought it was just because we're a family of misanthropic sociopaths. Tomato, tomahto, eh?
  • Blogger Joke posted at 4:00 PM, April 01, 2006  
    Personally, it's not that I'm a misanthropic sociopath, it's that everyone else is a sniveling cretin.


    P.S. NTS got in trouble at school for exasperatedly yelling out the answers to questions other kids were supposed to handle.
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